vacation is over, I am leaving

[limbo]

For all my bravdo, i am so terrified I can't think straight, how can one person have so much control, because for all the detach talk you can never really do it, they are the single most important person in your life, and if they choose to leave it not only majorly impacts your life and your kids!
My feelings are all over the map right now, sometimes I couldn't care less and others...well you know how it is.

I just don't know what I have done to drive him back to her, why does she have this hold over him. I know I am way better, and I am better for him.
I also feel so alone, because I can't tell anyone, because no one would understand, they would really loose all respect for me, and to be honest I am loosing it from my self, I never thought that I would become such a doormat and let him walk over me like he has.
I am back a work now, so makes it easier to write, as I don't want him to find this sight, its my place and I don't want to share it.
Also today he is supposed to send ow an email saying its over, but I am not holding my breath, he is supposed to blind copy me on it, but I am sure he will find a way to fake it!
What also hurts is that they take you for an idiot, he says she hasn't emailed him,(he has email I don't know of) but you can't tell me that she hasn't when she thinks they have a relationship, why do they insist on taking you for a fool?!