Go to garychapman.org and you should be able to find it from there. He's the guy that wrote the "5 Love Languages" book. Each week he talks about different things in dealing w/ M and most of it has been really helpful. You get an email every day.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Hey -- I also got some pics over on that other thread finally
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
The funny thing in regards to you mentioning that the excitement and honeymoon phase ending in our M long ago, is that if things finally improve and our WAS come back, it will be like a new R.
A new R for me anyway. I have not even held my W's hand for the last 9 months. She has been living her life and me mine, with hardly any interaction. I wouldn't even know anything about her life at the moment (regarding friends, activities, new hobbies etc).
Spent the day at DD's friends birthday party, W turned up late.
Overheard W talking to birthday boys parents about me. Telling them what a wonderful father I was, how much DD adored me, how I would do anything for her etc etc.
She then stood next to me, sort of brushing bodies, as we watched the kids playing in the play gym.
But throughout the whole party (up till I had to leave for work early), she did not try to instigate any conversation with me, unless it inclued another parent at the party. She is absolutly doing my head in.
I have completed my section of the consent orders (that she requested I hurry two weeks ago), and I will leave it in her room tomorrow.
In my head I keep thinking that maybe we do need a break from each other, as my emotions are changing, and annoyance is starting to creep in. I think my limit is reached emotionally.
I don't know how she can even attempt to instigate a return. She is so stubborn, that she would rather continue with the D than concede that she stuffed up. And because she is such a bad communicator, she will never disclose anything that she is thinking or feeling.
I am not letting my pride get in the way. But she needs to be the one to committ and put an effort in.
Like I said, it is doing my head in....................
Your W sounds like my H, a lot like him. I am completely shut out from anything in his life, except for the kids. When we go to functions together, I think "Everything thinks he is fantastic, if they only knew". He is all smiles and laughs for everyone else but me. Nothing left for me.
Isn't it lonely?? And yes, H is so far gone, I don't see him ever admitting to messing up as badly as he has, then wanting to return, having to deal with the mess he made.
"In my head I keep thinking that maybe we do need a break from each other, as my emotions are changing, and annoyance is starting to creep in. I think my limit is reached emotionally.".
I couldn't have said that better myself. I'm shredded.
Sorry to hear you are going through the same emotions as me. I really do "know how you feel"
At least my W is laughing a lot more in my presence, and our banter is more pleasant. Plus she doesn't mind being in the same room as me.
I think part of the reason is that I am going along with everything she has requested re: helping sort out the D papers, getting the house ready for sale etc.
She is the sort of person to take it to her grave, rather than admitting that maybe she was wrong. She conceded to me that she is sorry for what has happened (re OM), but what has happened has happened (whatever that means).
