I don't know the answers to the questions. But I can relate to #1. I am always a little unhappy too. Fault finding. That is a problem I recognized in myself with the Retrouvaille work. So I know it is there, and I try to take it with a grain of salt. Because that quality in me is destructive to my relationship with my husband. When it clicks in, I consciously say to myself, is this his problem or my problem? And if it's my problem, then I say something cheerful or nice to my H even if that was not what I was thinking. One thing I learned at Retrouvaille was that I could still have my thoughts, but I have to control what I say and how I act. And I am rewarded with a happy marriage.
And I do think Retrouvaille will help with #2. For us, it took us back to who we used to be. Cleared out all the cobwebs of resentments. It didn't happen overnight, but with time and some effort, we both focused back in on the relationship in a healthy way. So this does have potential to come back. I do hope that your results from Retrouvaille will be as good as mine. I know sometimes I am Ms. Rosy Scenario.
#3. This hasn't changed much at my house, but some. I do everything at home; he goes to work. (I work too, but not as hard.) I still pay all the bills, get everything broken fixed, clean the pool, etc. But he barbecues A LOT more, picks up things around the house a little more, and once in a blue moon remembers that it is garbage night. It's not a big difference, but it shows he heard me when I discussed this as a problem. And the conversation about it has been opened, I could come back to it if I'm not OK with how things are.
#4. I haven't read the 5LL book, so I can't really answer this question. But, when my husband listens to my concerns and acts on them, as he was taught in Retrouvaille, I feel loved. And I think he would agree. Listening, responding, showing concern for the other person's feelings. That's what you practice doing at Retrouvaille. And it is a love language by itself.
You are doing great at identifying your problems. When you work together to fix them it will not be as difficult as you imagine.
