Am I better off?

[Ophelia]

I guess another question is if she feels like we haven't been close and I'm 180'ing and GAL won't she feel like it's status quo. I guess how do I become the "more attractive" alternative if you will if it seems like I'm checking out.

I know, it seems to contradict everything you're trying to achieve if you act like you're over her. You don't want her to think that by you being OK and getting on with things that that means you've accepted what she's doing. I've felt the exact same way.

The number of times I'd practically beg my H not to leave, because he was my whole world! I thought that surely if I was making impassioned pleas like that, he'd see how much I loved him and how much I wanted to be with him and make our M work. It wasn't until long after he'd moved out that I realised that he didn't want to be my whole world, and if he was, then that didn't make me my own person in his eyes, so he didn't want to be with me when I was in that desperate state. Therefore, if I can show him that I can get by without him, it relieves the pressure on him and makes him more inclined to have positive contact with me.

Unfortunately, it's at the point now where H and I haven't actually seen or spoken to each other since Christmas Eve, but I did find that his emails were more frequent and friendly when I was coming across as being happy, including little jokes and winking smilies in my messages. I backslid not too long ago and rambled on about how I'd been depressed (I actually used that word), but didn't blame my emotional state on him at all. Still, I didn't actually get a reply to that email, and it wasn't until I sent another one on another topic, which he did reply to, where he basically said he hoped I was feeling better.

I know it sucks to have to act like you don't want to throw your arms around your W and never let her go whenever you see her, but if you want any hope of her seeing you in a more attractive light, then you've gotta try to back off a bit and "Act As If" you're doing alright without her.