Well, H never showed, and I am glad. I did not want to see him if he couldn't take a day out of his screwed up life to come hear and sort through the past and face the reality of the divorce. I probably won't hear from him or see him until the courtroom and I am glad. I am wiping my hands of this mess and his drama. He is not going to change. It is sad to know that the end of my marriage is so near, but in a sense I am relieved because that is the end I need to really move on with my life. It signifies the day in which I can get off this rollercoaster ride and stop thinking about every word H says and what it means and trying to find hope in anything. It is the beginning of my freedom as a single woman. It is the day that I start living for me and only me. It's the day that I truly stop walking on eggshells. He made his grave and he is going to have to lie in it. I did everything I could.
Today was one of those days in church when I felt like the priest was talking directly to me. I was sitting by my 2 SIL's and BIL...it couldn't have worked out any better if I tried. The message was that it it our responsibility to not always take the easy road with someone. You can't just sit back and say that everything is ok...it's your responsbility to help someone do the right thing. He said sometimes you just need to turn to someone and say "You are acting stupid." I tapped my SIL when he said that. He said that God forgives and Jesus is there to help us, but we need to deal with the sin in our lives first. If only H would have heard the sermon.
