lwb...I did my legal separation by myself...I went to the court house and found the Family Court facility...I attended orientation, got the paper work, filled it out, returned and had one of the attorneys look it over to make sure it was all done correctly...then I filed it with the court...I also applied and got a financial waiver so I didn't have to pay for filing...This is in CA I am not sure about your state...
NoDirection...first, for DB'ing to work you need patience and to realize that time is your friend...sometimes a long time...secondly it is okay to keep track of her coming and going but just so you know in CA unless she is openly having sexual relations with OM in front of your son or doing illegal drugs or otherwise injuring your son physically it doesn't much matter what she does...my brother went through this and basically the judge told him that just because his wife chose to have sex with an OM, move out, get pregnant and then married, refuse to potty train or break the bottle habit with his son that was almost 4 yrs old...didn' make her an unfit mother...the best you can hope for is 50/50 but don't count on that as they will usually give the mother more time...even if she is morally weaker then the husband...sad but the way it is in "no fault" states...
The good news in all of this is I don't see your case as hopeless...I think your wife is having a quarter life crisis...she had a baby not long ago...is struggling emotionally with her own feelings...so there you have one mixed up woman...the good news is given time (that word again) she could very well come to her senses and return to what she knows and loves...her family...but you can't make her do that anymore then she can make you wait for her...it is up to you what you do and where you go from here...just be sure...be sure you have tried it all...and that you can look her in the eye with peace...if not, your not ready!
LWB, I was subpeonaed the the divorce hearing of my H's OW. Her husband was trying to get custody of their son. He had hired a private investigator who had 9 months of video of my H sneaking into OW's house after 8 year old son was asleep. The OW admitted to everything after learning of the tapes, she previously denied everything. Even with video and her admittance that she had sex with a married man right across the hall from her room (son's door was even open) she still got primary custody of son. It's sad how our judicial system works.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
The courts don't believe that morals have anything to do with parenting....and sadly in our society it is showing...I guess nothing was learned from the fall of the Roman Empire!
Lin, thanks for the info. I wonder, if we came up with something ourselves (very brief and to the point), if we got it notarized, would that make it legal?
Yoyo, how sickening!!! What kind of mother does that? Then again, my H's OW was my friend from our playgroup and they always have the kids around when they are together. One big happy family. She is married too, poor guy.
I am not sure about laws in your state...but in California if you want the protection of a LS it is done through the courts...and any written agreements are initialed and signed by both parties...then you get that notarized...but the actual filing has to be done at the courthouse for legal protection to be in place...
Funny thing is, I would separate with no agreement at all. Its H who is scared if he moves out, I am going to take the house from him. His idiot brother told him if he moves out, I can claim he abandoned me and will automatically get the house. DER I kicked him out when I found out about A, but he came back the next day because of this. I have heard the "Its my house too" when we discuss separation. I have no intention of messing with the kids and our money. NONE.
I never thought my H would have an affair, so maybe I should rethink whether or not he would screw me in a divorce, since this isn't the man I married.
I never thought my H would have an affair...words uttered by almost all of us...and yes, you should rethink whether or not you might end up with problems you didn't count on from him...I know that is one major reason that I have kept a LS or D filed since H left me (he has returned but financial issues make it necessary now)...
I want to emphasize that just because all of this is happening it doesn't mean that your H has changed for the worse permanently and can never be trusted again...just during this process...MLC or whatever his issues are...you need to protect yourself and your children...proactively protect...
This is nuts for all of us. Thanks for sharing the info on the courts system. There is some time before I really explore that route but I want to make sure I have everything set since the OM is a lawyer...
I know time is on my side. My wife has not left and seems to openly discuss future events in our lives. Even today she was talking about baby names for our next child, which if we stay together, we were not planning on having for 2 years??? It may be a MLC and I am to blame for it but the last two weeks have been nothing but mixed messages.
Last edited by NoDirection; 08/19/0710:16 PM.
Me=29 WAW=25 S=2 "I need a break" = 6/07 Filed = 12/07
