Peaceful, thanks for your post. Missed everyone, too. I do think H is taking a closer look at himself...what he's seeing is anybody's guess. He is loaded down with guilt and self-loathing, which I believe he counteracts by talking incessantly about his job, because it is a high-risk, exciting position where he excels and can boast about his heroic efforts. And, yes, I oblige this. The man has nothing else to feel good about. It is sad. I no longer hold out hope that "someday" we will reunite. Maybe down the road it might happen, but it could just as easily not. I don't expend energy trying to figure that out so much anymore because it's actually a draining waste of time. I told him that I do miss him and still have feelings for him, and I said, "I wonder if you still have any feelings left for me?" He said yes, but he had to figure himself out right now. That's the first time his admitted feeling anything for me in a long time. I hate that I lost such a good man. I used to be bursting with pride about him.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
