Dear friend. As we have talked about so many times, there is no Hollywood ending to any of this. I think Newman is the only one I've ever heard of having that...
Yes, it is still heartbreakingly sad. Nobody won here. My heart is broken. H's head is broken.
I got "some" answers...certainly not all. I will get them before this is all said & done. I do think he will want to come back at some point to visit longer and talk further. We'll see, once he gets himself moved into his new apt. and ticks another box off his list of things he has to do.
The difference now is that I would not just take H back no matter what. If he can never get himself together enough to be a good man, someone worthy of trust and love, then it's over for good. I don't want to be married to anything less than what I deserve. None of us should.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Hugs to you. I am sorry you are getting a D. I will say a prayer for you tonight that this all goes as easily as possible (ridiculous, as this isn't easy AT ALL, I know). I do think many of these men speed down the track due to pride issues, and although they may have moments of clarity, they do not let on, so as to not look weak to any of us.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
I agree. I know my H has a huge ego and hates to admit when he is wrong. Even if he does have moments when he see things more clearly, he obviously doesn't listen .
He has made his bed. Now he is going to do whatever it takes to make his decision work. He doesn't want to look like a fool. Even though, his family says that they would have more respect for him if he would admit he made a mistake and come back.
That day when he will tell you everything you want to know may never never come.
It may, it may not. I certainly hope that you aren't holding back even one precious minute point of your life awaiting such a day. What a waste that would be.
Gosh, no, FD. Holding back--never. Believe you me, I've moved on in many, many ways. More than I ever thought I would. I do think H will talk further though; gut feeling. But not yet; he has no answers to give me right now and I know that.
Keeping, you're right. Your H made his bed. I am sure he is aware it is not all that he thought it would be when he left. The pride issue becomes so huge for them. I know it also did for my H.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
It just feels so hopeless sometimes. My d7 just called , she is with her dad. I could hear everyone having a good time in the background, laughing... I miss being a part of H's family.
Ow is there, I am sure. I plan to introduce myself to Ow , as H's wife... when he drops d off tonight. I want to remind her that her BF is a married man.
No. I would not do it. What message does that send to her? That you are "crazy" [what woman would go up to her H's mistress and say, 'Hi! I'm his wife!"] No, honey, I do not think you are crazy, but how would that come off to ow?
Hold your impulse to put yourself in her face. She knows you exist. Remember, he is NOT married to her...and she knows it.
You do not act friendly towards ow...do nothing at all. She does not deserve your pleasantries or thoughts. Your in laws are pretending because they don't know what else to do...he is their son/brother, etc. and they are going to be supportive of him. My in laws stopped contacting me, too. It is common.
Not to mention, you do not want your daughter to see you introducing yourself to the ow. You do not have to be her friend or get along with her. Ignore. Read some affirmations when he drops her off tonight and say nothing. Hugs.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Hope, It sounds like he's really starting to look at himself. That is great. I was really encouraged by your post. This will be tough for him. He already has so much guilt, and he's going to have to face the pain of all his poor decisions. But the good news is taht it appears that that is exactly what he is doing... facing the pain.
I think this is good. In the meantime, keep living your new life and keep being strong.
It's good to have you back on the boards. I missed you.
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
Peaceful, thanks for your post. Missed everyone, too. I do think H is taking a closer look at himself...what he's seeing is anybody's guess. He is loaded down with guilt and self-loathing, which I believe he counteracts by talking incessantly about his job, because it is a high-risk, exciting position where he excels and can boast about his heroic efforts. And, yes, I oblige this. The man has nothing else to feel good about. It is sad. I no longer hold out hope that "someday" we will reunite. Maybe down the road it might happen, but it could just as easily not. I don't expend energy trying to figure that out so much anymore because it's actually a draining waste of time. I told him that I do miss him and still have feelings for him, and I said, "I wonder if you still have any feelings left for me?" He said yes, but he had to figure himself out right now. That's the first time his admitted feeling anything for me in a long time. I hate that I lost such a good man. I used to be bursting with pride about him.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
