Yes, I do remember many of your supporting words to many and myself. I often came here to read and to get a "hang in there" pep talk from yourself and others.
I did read a bit on your recent return of the OW, continued contact, and the hard times you also are having. Am so sorry you are back in this place too.
About a year ago, I decided, (when H home and seemed to be trying in his own silent way to reconnect) that my being so hypervigilant was not a behavior I wanted to continue. The constant reassuring myself, the snooping, the waiting for R talk, was taking a toll. I totally stopped looking for trouble, and things on the surface were moving forward. But in reality, things were only appearing better, because I let everything remain unsaid.
Very true, as you said, this 2nd appearance of realizing the EA with OW is just as hard. The continued phone/email contact was still needed by him, and hurts so much. I'm sure you are going through much of the same of being his distant loving partner, very torn to see him being beat down by feelings of the depression, guilt, but knowing their unacceptable behavior continued.
I want to start a conversation with H today regarding a routine dr. visit he has tomorrow. How to tell him, this would be a person to start with to admit his depression and find some help? How to let him know, ILY, but you are responsible for your own actions.These few words I want to say seem so hard right now. I am afraid my "suggestion" would be met with denial or anger. At the same time, I know I can't fix any of his problems for him. I don't think he ever got it when he first returned home and I never pushed for answers either.
Did you see real positive progress when your H came home, that now makes you look back and wonder how real it was? Or can it even be called progress in my situation when the EA was continuing? By positive steps, in our situation: we laughed more, made time more for each other, couple great vacations, text each other with flirting and romantic messages, ML, cards, ........But.... all without ever speaking of how we let ourselves slide before the A and all without speaking of any closure of his A.
Do I suggest his telling his own MD of his depression as a start? and how? I too, need to look back at the positives I have found deep in myself these past couple years and continue to build on these.
thanks for the book suggestion, unlike my H, I get a lot of support from books, friends, this support of people here.
