I remember you were one of the first people to post to me and your words always helped me through whatever my problem was for the day. Knowing someone as wonderful as you were rooting me on gave me courage I didn't know I had.
You have come so far. You are so much stronger. I know this has been so hard and now the house selling must be another hill to get over, but at least you aren't there to see it go. That might be a blessing.
I'm so glad your encounter with your H went so well and that he realizes it wasn't about you. I hope for that day some day.
Let us know how you are from time to time.
Hugs, Sun
"Tell me what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life." Mary Oliver
When your H first left, what reasons did he give you? Was it all the same stuff--- neglectful wife, always too busy for him, blah blahblah...........??
Did he project and blame you for everything and spew nasty stuff?
Just wondering b/c I still find it so hard to think that these MLCer's eventually change how they feel about the lbs. They seem so sure of their decision to end the M and adament of never returning.
I'll try to sum it up for you; this was all over 2 years ago now.
My H began to change in many ways. He definitely acted manic, sometimes angry at me, things that indicated he wasn't "right". When I discovered the ow he was already several months into the affair. He promptly moved out, but not to live with ow. It is my understanding that he never actually lived with her, but I am quite sure she spent the night with him on many occasions.
No, he did not say I was too busy for him or neglectful. He just said he didn't want to be married to anyone; that he needed to recapture his youth; he got married too young in life; he was very unhappy with his job. My understanding of it now was that his depression had blocked his feelings for me and there was no passion, no attraction for me anymore-thus, the ow being in the picture. She was the epitome of affairing down, and yet he was addicted to her like a drug.
He was only mean and spewing at me if I tried to get him to come home, talk about "us" or tell him he was making a mistake (this all during replay). He was a drop-in; never stayed away for too long a period of time before a phone call or a visit.
He was adamant that he was "never coming back". But, he never filed for a divorce and we are still only separated now.
He would, about every 6 weeks like clockwork, have a huge fallout with the ow and come home for a day or two, saying what a huge mistake he'd made...but then the drug-like withdrawal symptoms would kick in and he'd be off running once again. This was the worst of it for me, as it kept me hoping falsely and continuing on a terrible emotional rollercoaster that made me very sick, both physically and emotionally. I am well glad to be off of it.
Hope that helped somewhat.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Hey, Hope, you are so kind and generous to come back and rehash all this for other's benefit.
It's amazing, so much of what you wrote, could describe my own situation and my own ex. The difference with me is that mine blazed a trail to that divorce so fast. But the way you describe him, that sounds so much like Pedro. I suspect that day will come for me too, to have that talk, and I appreciate your sharing what it will be like.
We are glad to have you back and have missed you, and so glad you have the comfort of puppy back with you and that he has his loving mom back in his life.
I'm just awaiting the time when he can openly discuss with me what he was keeping inside himself before, during, and after he began having an A and hear his side of it.
I'm actually a little surprised that he has not called to see how puppy is adjusting to being with me.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
I hope your talk with H did a lot to give you some answers.
Trust that he saw how good you are doing. He knows you are strong, capable and incredible. And, in the end, everyone knows what love really endured for him, NOT the OW.
But, even with the much anticipated "OMG, I made a huge mistake" speech....it's still sad. Who does it help to hear that? In the end, two people got dreams shattered and it's nothing we asked for.....for what? For them to admit it wasn't worth it and didn't bring them happiness?
But you have a lot to look forward to, dear! Your future is bright and beautiful - as you will make it!
thank you , it did help. My H has never looked back. He moved out in June 2005, but didn't file until last Dec.2006. I was hoping that was a sign that he was confused and wasn't sure what he wanted b/c he waited so long . So when he did file I kind of gave up hope that he was ever going to return.
I signed the papers last month, we are now legally S. H has to pay me $700.00 that he owes me before my attorney will finalized the D. So it is sitting on my L's desk right now until the money is rec'd.
My H told me I neglected our M and he wasn't important to me. He had been unhappy for a very long time. Funny thing is.... if he was so unhappy then why did we still laugh together, go out socially together, have a great sex life.... etc. If he was so unhappy then wouldn't things have been so much worse???
When he left, he told himself it was over. He hasn't looked back. He began a new life with Ow and now treats me like I am the enemy and that he hates me. He took an eraser and I am completely gone from his head.
My H seems happy with his new life, that includes Ow. I try not to read too much into his "happiness" b/c I know he wears a mask most of the time. It is difficult to really know how he is truly feeling. He wears a suit of armor.
Thanks again for responding and stay strong. Your sitch sounds like it may be turning around. I am happy for you. Give your H some time and he may just want to come back to you.
