Hi all. I was a fairly regular visitor on this board a few months ago. I stopped posting because in some ways I felt it was slowing down the healing process for me a bit as it meant I was focusing too much on my sitch. Anyway, after this morning, I felt I needed to revisit. I hope you'll forgive me. My stats: Me 44 W42 D4 Together 17 years, friends for 23 years Bomb September 2006 ILYB speech. Wanted to stay at home but see someone else at the same time.
I lived with this arrangement for 2 months with her out once a week seeing OM until I could stand it no longer and I asked her to go.
I think she's MLC but am not 100% certain. Certainly her selfishness has been extreme as was her partying throughout the winter. At the very least she's depressed and has been for a while now, though is worse of late. If she is MLC she's still in replay, searching for something to make her happy (she said this morning that she wasn't happy but that it had been the right thing to do)and in depression.
I have been doing pretty well, have had counselling and much support from people who love me. I know I will be ok and am less sure of my love for her than I was a few months ago.I am not ready to start dating, though.
This morning we had to talk about splitting up the furniture as the house is being sold and she got quite tearful. Later she told me unprompted that she had split from her OM earlier this Summer. We then had a long R conversation during which we both talked a bit about our feelings now and in the past and we did seem to have more of a connection than we have for some time. We both apologised a lot.
I said to her that if she was no longer seeing OM then we could maybe talk about us being friends. She wasn't happy about that because she said I was trying to control and what if they got back together. I said I didn't know but I wasn't trying to control her, I just knew I couldn't stand that relationship if we were trying to build a friendship and that is the truth. She said we could be more friendly, whatever that means but that she didn't think it would work us being friends (she has maintained from the beginning she wanted us to be friends and this is the first time she's said anything different. I said 'ok, that's fine but I am here for you if you ever need a good friend'.
I feel odd. I have prayed for the day when they split up for nearly a year now and I don't feel any better for knowing that it happened a few weeks ago (BTW for any newbies who are reading this, I couldn't believe that it would die a death sooner rather than later either).
I feel some rejection again that she still wanted things on her terms re: us being friends. She said friends shouldn't place conditions on each other. I felt afterwards that I should have said 'they don't emotionally abuse each other either' but of course I bit my tongue. Not sure if she just wanted to regain control of the situation.
