Lastnight, W was reviewing her course syllabus and approx every hour she would come out side and say 'Im already overwhelmed.' I told her to be patience since its only the beginning of the semester. W asked if I would help her with an assignment. My first answer would be to call EA and ask him to help. Since I am not in a R with you, why should I care?
Well, that wasnt my answer and I told her I would be delighted in doing so. I told her since I have 2 computers with 2 different versions of Office the assignment can be easily done. W went to bed and I didnt stayed up too late since I knew she was a little tired and I didnt wanted the TV to bother her since she left the bedroom door open.
This morning we had breakfast and I asked her if she would alter some new pants I bought. W said she wont so I said its OK. Then again I thought well if she's like that why should I do her assignment. Then W said that she will do it this morning and later she gave me the assignment to do which I am currently working in since she went to Walmart for a few things.
This is what I dont get, she wants to be away from me, throws all those negative comments at me and now is leaning on me for her education assistance. Does not this show that if I can assist her with this task why cannot we try and work out the M & R. This shows that we are both putting interest in her education which is a goal for her and the same effort can be put into the rebuilding of the R.
Perhaps she is so caught up in anger, hate and misery that she isnt thinking and seeing that I am able to do a lot more than she think I can and I am supportive for both her career and education. Sometimes I think I should not do anything for her but again I do it since I know its the miniscular things that makes the R different and makes the W think differently.
See the W, Listen to the W, but dont Speak back to the W. Bridle your tongue...
Wait, so is she asking you to help her with the assignment or is she having you to do them for her? I think there's a difference. The first one you guys can have quality time. The second, sounds like she's taking advantage of you being nice and nothing more.... Kind reminds me of those teenage/highschool tv shows where the good looking girls get the nerds doing their homework and taking advantage of them but gives nothing in return?
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
Helping her with her assignment "WILL BE" a huge plus for your R with her. When my wife was in college (which was very important to her) she asked me a few times to help her with some assignments. I, told her I am not the one who is going to school, I do not want to do your assignments (what a complete jack ass and moron I was). Well needless to say when every we talk about what has gone with our M, the college events come up. She uses them to show me how big of a jerk I was and how very un-supportive I was. And you know what I can not argue with her about it, because I was.
So, I say help her out even if you feel it is not fair and you would rather not. Think of it as taking one for the team, the relationship team. It will do wonders on her feelings toward you. And if you don't it will be several more nails in your R's coffin.
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
I agree with DaveJ. There is a BIG difference between helping her and doing the work for her. Dont do it for her. Help her, quiz her, help her walk through it, but DO NOT do her work for her.
I agree with both posts. Nuggets, that is so true W knows I wont think twice to be supportive of her for her college goals. W knows I wont say NO to whatever she asks as long as it applies to her education. Even when we were dating, W asked me to help her and I did. W has an AS degree in Tourism Mgmt, therefore, W a degree is more in demand. That is the main reamin for her to attend college.
Today, we really had a great day. We had caesar salad for dinner and brownies for dessert. W asked me to review her work and I did without any objection. I had cared for D since W was too busy and it isnt fair for her to do so now. I even asked if I can do the laundry now but W said I am already helping out by folding the clothes and cook.
So far so good for today.
See the W, Listen to the W, but dont Speak back to the W. Bridle your tongue...
I do agree also that if you think you wife is taking advantage of you on the school work then don't do it. But, I sense that she really does need your help, so you are the bigger person by offering to do so, even though you feel she is not in the right to ask since your R is in the position that it is in.
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
We ended the weekend by W summarizing one of her class work she had done. W feels so good that she completed all her assignments for one class already and needs to start working on the Marketing course. She asked when my progam will start and I told her Oct 10. I told her I will be busy but she said at least I have to take one course at a time rather than her taking 4 courses within 16 weeks.
I said well I will be here if you need anything. W said ok, W havent mentioned anything about moving out in Sept. I would like to see her stay but I cannot told her that. W will have to discuss this with me.
This is what will happend, if W moves out she has no one to help her with her furnitures. W has an entire 1 bedroom of furniture acquired since I was away from my family for 5 months when I took a job to go to MD and now MO. We werent S we were just not living together but still M & R. Since, W and D relocated to MO, we had to put all the furniture in storage. I have my own furniture so I didnt had room for hers.
I will have to help her with doing all of this. I would like for her to become more overwhelmed so she can see the goodness in me by assisting and supporting her in college which can draw us closer.
Again, I will have to wait and see.
See the W, Listen to the W, but dont Speak back to the W. Bridle your tongue...
I forgot to say that I went to Sams yesterday and I was looking at a backpack and some folders for W. When I got home, I told W I saw what she needed but was unsure if she wanted them. I deliberately left my cell phone at home so she can go tru it and see if OW called me out on Friday night while I was doing alone time.
I could not call W and told her about the backpack. W said I should have gotten them for her since I know she needs them. I replied, I will go to Sams today and get them for her, she said TY.
W continued to say that she feels so tired already but going to bed late at night and waking up early so either myself or her to take D to daycare. I told her if she feels so then I can take D to daycare and she dont have to worry about it. W said it dont matter but she gets home too late from work.
This is also good since I am ready to allow her to not work and I can make sacrifices but I will wait for her to realize that and that is one of the giving into a new R and rebuidling of the M. In this way, W can focus on her education and get it done quicker than working and doing the same.
See the W, Listen to the W, but dont Speak back to the W. Bridle your tongue...
Another thing, W asked me not to dye my hair the color I chose. I told her I will do it again but I will chose a lighter color. Why would she care? Is she checking me out now?
See the W, Listen to the W, but dont Speak back to the W. Bridle your tongue...
