Sure, you can get in line...but I do have to warn you that I already have my eye on a different California guy...an old friend. Oh and I don't want to make Saffie jealous.
If ya come to Califonia ya have to let me know because After all we have been through married or not I owe you a real hug.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Regardless of what may happen in the future, there will always be a positive outcome for you, with or without your H.
I know it sounds mean to think this way, but I know that our S's will hit rock bottom once they realise exactly what they have done, and what they have lost. Of course this will happen when it is too late.
I am seeing it in my W now. But like you, I am not going to put myself out there for her anymore. She would have to really change and re-committ 100% before I ever let her hurt me again. I am still working on a great friendship with her, and will continue to build it for our DD's sake, and who knows what may eventuate.
I hope the next few days are good ones for you. AndyV
If ya come to Califonia ya have to let me know because After all we have been through married or not I owe you a real hug.
You got it.
Andy,
Quote:
She would have to really change and re-committ 100% before I ever let her hurt me again. I am still working on a great friendship with her, and will continue to build it for our DD's sake, and who knows what may eventuate.
That's exactly how I feel. H is the one that has to change. I've done everything that I could. Differently than you though I am not working on a friendship with H...we will not be friends after we D. It is too hard on me. We do not have children, so I am hoping for a clean split and we will go our separate ways. When we meet in the future, I will be cordial, but we won't be friends and I have come straight out and told him that and his response was...That makes me sad, but I wouldn't want to be my friend either.
I had a great time out last night. A bunch of my co-workers and I celebrated our exams that we passed. We had a lot of fun and a little too much to drink. Okay, so I think I might be treading in a little too dangerous of water with a coworker. He is a single, nice, sweet, intelligent, decent looking guy. He is a lot like me and the total opposite of H. He knows about my sitch, but doesn't know any details and we have never discussed it. He, I, and another one of my girl friends from work stayed out together longer than everyone else. I could definately see this going somewhere in the next couple of months, but I know there are a lot of red flags....coworker, me just getting divorced, etc. Any advice? Should I be really careful or just a little cautious have fun and see where this goes? Is this just me being desperate to find someone? I really don't think that's what it is. He seems like the type of great guy that I'm hoping to find.
Well, I should have listened to Scott. I got hurt again. I am wasting my time with my H. He is going to end this marriage in 1 week and he can't even give me one lousy day in which OW's leash isn't attached to him.
It all started with me texting him to see when he was going to be here to get his stuff. I thought this is the last time that we will see each other before our court date on 8/28...maybe just maybe he would want to talk to me after the email he sent last week. Well, he is on his way out here and he has OW with him. Do the hits ever stop? I guess when I am not married to this sorry excuse of man maybe they will. He can't even get away for one day to come pack up his sh$t and talk to his wife one last time. This is how it went. H: I'll be out tonight but not alone. M: What does that mean? no response M: If that means ow is with you just get the hay. I don't need to see you. If you can't take one day alone to come here, you can get the other stuff on your birthday. H:Do you need to be there for me to get the hay? M:I will probably be here, so I would appreciate if OW doesn't come with you. Call me before you come. Thanks a lot for making me feel like I'm not worth 1 day when I gave you 11 years.
I just couldn't help myself. He has treated me like sh$t for the last 10 months, and he doesn't even have the decency to take a day to come over to my house and pack up his stuff without hiding OW at someone else's house while he does it. I was nice to him for so long for a couple of reasons....because I am a nice person, I always thought things might work out, I didn't want to hurt myself in the Divorce. Well, things are not going to work out. This was the last time we were going to see each other before our court date and he can't even come alone. The papers are signed, so I don't have to worry about the D any more. I am still a nice person, but I am done with him.
Sorry to hear that your a-hole H hurt you again. I understand how you feel. Like you I gave 11 years of my life to my W and all they seem to do is crap on us. You do not deserve to be treated like this...
I you ever need to chat you can email me if you want. EmtnRllrCstr@gmail.com
I am Sorry.....I was keeping my fingers crossed for you. Brighter days are ahead of you just remember that.
It will get easier with time. You need to look after yourself now, try not to let anything your H does get to you.
My W used to know exactly what buttons to push over the last 9 months, but those buttons are U/S now.
It's good to see that you are out having a good time. Only you will know when the right time is to start seeing someone. I have had great advice from family and friends, and they all tell me to give it around 12 months before I even think about seeing someone.
The emotional rollercoaster you have been on over the last 10 months may have clouded your judgement. You are in a very similar position (emotionally) as our S's were before they decided to have their affairs with "complete opposites".
Anyway, I hope I haven't confused as much as I have myself with my ramblings
I think all I was trying to say was to forget about H and what he is doing, and go out and have fun and do things for yourself now. What happens happens, its all part of life, so don't worry too much about it, enjoy.
I need everyone's advice again. After yesterday, I think I need to send one more email to H. Do you think this is a bad idea? He continues to pull me back into this mess and I need to let him know that I am not willing to be a part of this anymore. I need to do this for closure.
XXXX, This is it. In one week, our relationship will be over and along with that goes all our broken dreams. I’ve accepted it…you don’t want to be with me. I am trying to move on with my life and every time I do, you seem to give some kind of hope and I get pulled back onto this rollercoaster ride that I’ve been living on for the last 10 months. I can’t do this anymore. I need you to let me go. You have made your choice to be with OW and I cannot be involved in this anymore. You have decided that her or your pride or something is more important than me. You made your choice and we will both live the rest of our lives with it. I have tried my damnest to keep things civil between us, but sometimes you make it so hard on me with the way you disrespect me and our marriage. I am human and I can only put up with so much. I am dealing with your choices the best that I can, but I would appreciate if you would have enough respect for me to not put the relationship that destroyed ours right in front of me. I still love you more than you will ever know. I care about you, but this is what you wanted. I want to help you so bad, but I can’t do it if you won’t let me back in to your life. I thought maybe just maybe you wanted to talk to me one last time before we met in the court room on the 28th. I guess that is just me once again finding the glimmer of hope. I thought maybe you thought things through and you wanted to try to work things out with me. This is never what I wanted and you know that. I wanted to try to save our marriage, but unless you are willing to do something, please let me go, so I can move on with my life.
Hope, I wouldn't send the letter. I think our husbands are so much alike. They believe they are entitled to their newfound "happiness". They have no remorse. I believe if you send the letter it will just make you appear needy. He will see it as a "poor pitiful me" letter. I've heard of people writing letters like this and then burning them or burying them as a sybolic gesture that this stage of your life is over. I think maybe this is what you should do. I know how bad you are hurting, believe me. I want so bad for my H to wake up and feel bad for what he has done to me and our family, but he is not there. Hopefully, out husbands one day will arrive at that point, but until then we have to be strong and live for ourselves. Do it not only to show your husband that you are a strong woman, as I know you are, but also do it for yourself. When he wakes up you may be there for him or you may have found the man of your dreams. It will be his loss if he waits too long.
Kim
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Yoyo, Thanks for the advice. I'm going to hold off for now. I go to see my counselor tomorrow, so I might see what she says about it. You are right it won't change anything...he doesn't care about me or how anything affects me. He just does things to make himself feel better. Well, in one week, I won't have to listen to this anymore. I know everyone says you are supposed to move on with your life while you are DBing, but it is so hard. I need this divorce to really move on with my life and find this man of my dreams that is out there.
