it did not go well today. it didn't. omg, I am heartsick. I am ill. he pushed to talk, then got mad when we did. I pushed him to finally own up to the truth for once...that I deserved it. that if he cared for me even the slightest bit, if the last 13 years meant anything to him, then I deserved to know the truth, so I could work on letting him go.
yep, he's sleeping with her again. and yeah, he blames me for it. love how he does it. she went away with him to the lake last weekend.
funny, I knew all this, but still I am crushed. I am absolutely crushed.
he said that he wasn't sure he could wait to introduce the kids to OW until after papers are signed. I got upset, but then, it doesn't really matter what he tells me, good or bad, he's going to do what he wants. I told him that, and he tried to backtrack, tried to say that he would do what I wished in this case. but ya know what, he's going to do whatever he wants, so I need to let it go.
omg, I can't stop crying. I can't. I am broken.
he had the gall to say that he was having a hard time letting me go, too. omg, I can't believe he said that. what an ass. he has done NOTHING to save this marriage, not one thing. he has done nothing. he has only pursued her....one after her. loved her. and for him to say that to me is cruel. it is beyond cruel.
I am not well right now. not well at all. I can't seem to find my breath.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
