It is Sunday morning and I am waiting to go to Sunday School...I am a teacher. That was one of the things that really bothered me when I was messed up and doing things I shouldn't. I found some reason to miss church on Sundays b/c I knew I should not be standing up before a class while I was living like I was. In the process....I lost my class. However, I am back where I should be and I am trying to re-build my class. I was also given a position to work with the teens on Wednesday nights. That is something I have not done in years! Now, I have more motivation than ever to keep my life clear of anything that is not appropriate for a wife, mother, or teacher. I am thankful the our Lord forgives....and much faster than humans. He cleans us up and puts us back to work. That is where I am the happiest...working for Him.
As I have told some others, I still have that old temptation to come calling (regarding the OM) but I am getting stronger and I am determined not to give in. I won't be blind-sided this time to what is happening, whereas before....I just gave way to the fleshly desires not wanting to think about the results and all that may be affected by me decisions.
For you who are Believers, I hope you will pray that my grown D and my GS will be able to see me again through eyes of respect. You see, I was their teacher, also, in Church down through the years. So, I can only guess what they must think of me now. I know they love me, but still, I have disappointed them b/c they saw me as somebody very strong in the Christian faith. I would have been the last person they would ever have thought about getting involved in cybersex.
I still cringe when I use that word! But, it happened and I am paying the price. I just want to say for the LBS or even the WAW that perhaps got involved in this stuff and you wonder why the consequenses are not important at the time you are doing it...I think, with me, I was in such a fog that I just thought that if it got bad enough that I would run away with the OM. How stupid is that? I really thought he loved me and I was living in "the grass is greener" limbo state. I couldn't deal with reality and did not want to face the truth of what I was doing to everyone around me. I wanted to believe he (OM) truely loved me. To wake up to the fact that I probably was not the "only one" he was dangling along at the same time.....that was hard. I really thought my case was different.
Anyway, if I can ever help anyone, I will do my best. Maybe the wrong I did will be able to be put to good use somehow. I hope you all have a good day. It is going to be beautiful....I have decided that!
BTW, I am going to try to make some goals for myself and my MR this week. Hope to be able to report that to you soon.
Last edited by sandi2; 08/19/0702:37 PM.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
