back to square -1 or -10000

[believing_isaiah43]

Hi Cat, I've been working lots of 12hr days in a row, and took me a while last night/this a.m. to catch up. I, like you, like all of us, are so TIRED of doing all the reading, all the hoping, all the chasing. And we want everything to go back to Good, right-f*cking-NOW, thankyouverymuch. It's been so long for all of us.

Okay, emotional rant is winding down. I'm projecting here a bit, sorry! (mini-update from Threadless Me: my H isn't having an A anymore, but he has NOT turned the corner to steer his emotional/physical ship back towards me, we are distant yet cordial roommates -and that's my cross to bear for now.)

I'm trying so much to not "run to his rescue" but still be there for him, he is suffering the consecuences of his acts, at it had to happen, but sometimes I m truly afraid he's going to loose it.

So SO SO know about this. You know my H lost his job over his A, and his entire world imploded over it. Lost face, lost friends, lost integrity, lost reputation. People still don't speak to us that used to, and it's almost 2 years out. He has NO good friends anymore; people quit calling, etc. (he worked in a Christian ministry, and I think they thought it was contagious? I don't know, but my opinion of these folks plummeted much post-A, as you would hope they would come alongside him and walk with him through this time. Not.)

My point, and I do have one: I have seen this man come so close to nervous breakdowns it scares me, alternately furious at himself, at me, then crying over his life being 'over'. He thinks my life is fine because I have a job and co-workers to connect to - that's the Man desire, not mine as a woman. It's more important to ME to have a M/R that's our priority together, and connected. It used to be to him wanting that, back when our M was spiraling pre-A, but in the wake of his practical life disintegrating, he has 'nothing to give' to me because he is diminished himself. This may not apply to you right now, but if his work knows about his A and there's any fallout at all - or even PERCEIVED by your H that people are looking at him with disapproval, or talking behind his back, etc. that is going to impede his progress and crush his ego/spirit with some (rightfully-so) shame initially.