do EA connections continue because I enabled it to? never saying it's me " all or nothing"? how should I have or now set the boundarys, when I saw so many positives in our piecing, but at the same time the EA continued. Is this piecing all a lie? ========================================= Don't you dare blame yourself for HIS failure and weakness, if you read my sitch i also just found out my H was having an A with op AGAIN. Was i perfect during all this past yr of piecing? no, did I try my darnest and gave it my all? YES darn it, I did!
DUring the first discovery of the A (it was way over by the time I learned about it) I *told* him to stop all contact, that "it was all or nothing. It didnt' work, #1 because he shoul've been the one who said it #2 he, all this time, still was confused why he had the A (perhaps it was a real R that he lost?) and gave in into temptation when she called him. He was planing on cutting the R but couldn't do it, she was a wreck with many issues and he felt sorry for her (I know I know, that doesn't take away the fact that he lied to her and me and it was a heinus act).
The cheater has to man up to his mistakes, on their own, it has to come from their heart not our insistance/persuation.
My piecing fell appart not because of what I did, but because my H was never truly whole, he admited he tried to spend more time at work because he coudltn' feel happiness (keep in mind my H has very deep issues and an untreated problem).
=================================================== And I feel like I was only kidding myself, but so many actions on his part were so right, even without him being able to speak them. =============================================== Oh yea, btdt, I was fooled too, thinking all was well, but guess what, who's the real failure here, us who were loyal and fighing for our Ms, or our Hs, unable to let go of the damsel in distress?
=================== How do you detach, distance myself from the EA and piece at the same time? =================== The second time is harder to begin to trust, I know it hon, I'm taking it one day at a time, I need to see real change on my H before i begin to think of putting my heart ont he line again. Has he said he's breaking contact w/her? what steps is he taking to end that R? Give yourself time, if it doesn't feel right to get near him now, then it's just not the right time, let your heart set the pace. I want you to get this book called "the wounded woman".
Hang in there pal, I remember you from my old' days of piecing, we will come stronger, again, just doens't feel that way now hon.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
