back to square -1 or -10000

[cat03]

man, you would've believed the things I've learned, i'm still realing from what's happened since I last posted, too much to digest and process. H told me everything, and even willing to tell me more but as it is I dont' even remember everything we talked about on friday. SHort story, ow was , obviously, furious. To save face H told her we were still getting a D, though thinking things were over w/her. Lo and behold op said she'd wait and they would "work it out".Boy, it never pays to lie. Now we are wondering when she'll figure out he's never calling her nor coming over.

H changed his phone # and does not want to deal with op anymore. Apparently he also got fed up with her cause she was a wreck but dint' have the courage to break it off. I know, there are tons of things wrong with everything he did. He was about to have a break down this AM, it didnt' help that he figured out I broke into his email, he was SOOO furious he actually talked like that was the point of no return and that we prob wouldn't be able to get together again, I was so fed up I actually told him "then let's break it off now, or separate".
I could see his eye pulsate, he mentioned tons of other things why we were not going to work out, then went back to beating himself and he truly was about to come completly appart, it was bad.
He calmed down and actually appologize later, he is totally demorilized and miserable. It's going to take a while to rebuild himself, he will still seek theraphy.
Doesnt' help that world leaked out at work about the A, he now feels at odds there and has to deal with that too.

I'm trying so much to not "run to his rescue" but still be there for him, he is suffering the consecuences of his acts, at it had to happen, but sometimes I m truly afraid he's going to loose it.

My commitment and strenght have been tried to whithin and inch of their lives, I'm living hr by hr. He's not happy in the spare bedroom and slept on the couch, I was actually planning to have him sleep on the spare room for at least a month, then thought a week or two, he feels so alone. Then again, he has a hard time learning from his mistakes and I want him to realize how much he's hurt me and pushed me, I used to want him so.

I'm ok, so far, I actually had a full meal this afternoon for the first time, been going out with the kids and found a beautiful book that's helping me tons. Hugs all, thanks for listening.