thanks I agree. He knows my beliefs on divorce and believes that I will wait for him. I think it is causing him some distress that I have not returned his e-mails when they are spew ( I only contact about the kids...although they are both adults).and that I have contacted a lawyer to get the finaciala separated. I am now doing 180's ( no contact, not being accomodating) and they do seem to work.
Yes, I said ILYBNILWY, and I meant it, I guess...as much as I meant anything during that terrible time. I fell out of love with the IDEA of my husband. I wanted adventure, newness. I had forgotten that my marriage could be an adventure too.
The grass may be greener, but then again, it may also be astroturf. ~Amy C Brown
Going to someone else's wedding didn't have as much effect on me as you might expect. I didn't have my OM with me, though. I went to my brother's wedding and all I remember thinking is how sad it would be for someone else's vows to be as hollow as mine turned out to be. And I hoped my OM and I would have a gorgeous wedding (he asked me to marry him after one WEEK together...no, I'm not kidding!).
The grass may be greener, but then again, it may also be astroturf. ~Amy C Brown
The OM did everything you might expect to keep me pulled into his life; asked me to marry him, made big plans for our future, took me to meet his family, treated my children like his own, told me how much deeper his love was for me than he'd ever felt before...
The grass may be greener, but then again, it may also be astroturf. ~Amy C Brown
What my husband did wasn't just tough love, it was real love. He had promised to stand by me come what may, and though he never anticipated this, he still kept his promise. I admire him so much for his dedication and perseverance.
The grass may be greener, but then again, it may also be astroturf. ~Amy C Brown
After I decided to go home, it was a little complex because I was legally obligated to stay in Nebraska and he was in Louisiana. I only got to see him for a month before he deployed to Iraq and it was not the happiest homecoming. We fought a great deal at first, until I realized that he would need time to heal and believe in me again. Then I let it go, I just accepted his rules and scrutiny, and his somewhat guarded nature. But because I didn't fight him we healed faster, I think.
I wouldn't necessarily doubt your husband's sincerity, though his approach may not be the best.
It seems strange, I know, that he can go from "not loving you" to "the love of my life" so quickly, but that doesn't mean he's being fake. It really is like waking up and in one momet suddenly seeing your spouse for the first time in ages.
The grass may be greener, but then again, it may also be astroturf. ~Amy C Brown
Are we wver meant to understand? I have done much work on me and many positives ( selling the house, going back to school, volunteering, reaching out to old friends, making new ones,traveling and recognizing, understanding and forgiving myself for my partin the break down of our marriage. I am grateful for my journey.
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Oh yes, we're meant to understand. Of that I'm very certain. I believe that life is a journey, and the goal is deeper understanding...of self, of love, of life altogether. God, whatever or whoever you perceive him to be, uses our journey to make us who we ought to be.
The grass may be greener, but then again, it may also be astroturf. ~Amy C Brown
Do you now wonder what you saw in the OM? yes, this OW is making big plans as well. When my H came back the last time he told me that she wanted to buy a house and that they had spoke of marriage. He conveyed this information in a teenager in love way, wanting my support and approval. Do you think if you hadn't of hit rock bottom you would have returned?
Due to his assertions now about what she wants I am protecting myself and my children by seeking to have a legal separation. Initally my H ignored, so my Lawyerwrote a very tough legal document to get him to face reality. Then the spew began. The OW wrote letters to my Lawyer saying everything had already been decide, everything was amicable then escalating to go ahead file for divorce. The spew included, I guess I have to move on, your done,to I told you I was your friend I would take care of you,to an utter disbelief on his part that anyone could percieve him as not having mine and the kids best interest at heart. I stood my ground keeping to my boundaries, trusting in God, letting go and letting God. I let my lawyer represent mine and the kids interests all the while letting him know that the doors were not closed. Yesterday I get a texted message " just a heads up I want you to have all proceeds from sale of our house for your new house." Now I don't understand. The only thing that makes any sense is the only phone conversation I had with him in 4 months was last Monday where in response to him telling me he doesn't have any money I told him that I had put him on the deed to the new house and I had not changed my will. He seemed to relax. How do you know the contact they are making with you in genuine?
i just had an interesting conversation with my daughter. It seems as if in my H's confusion the OW is feeding him quotes and sayings of a religious nature to justify his actions and behavior. Did you look for anything to rationalize what you were doing? When he tells these things to my children and thye mimic them back to him he then begins to see how weak they are. But not until they are reflected back by someone else.
Actually, I don't really wonder what I saw in OM. It's pretty obvious to me. He was attractive and adventurous, and an escape from who I was.
It's hard to say what is real in the mind of a man living in fantasy. All I can say is, go with your gut. If he seems sincere to you, then quite possibly he is, even if he is confused and lost. She will attempt to keep him that way as long as possible, but it doesn't last forever.
The grass may be greener, but then again, it may also be astroturf. ~Amy C Brown
