Yeah, I think the reason I didn't tell her was because it did seem like a failure. It sounds weird, but it was almost like I needed her "approval". All of my friends have been great. All of our mutual friends are in shock that this is even going on. Everything went great with my family. I have an amazing family and they are very understanding and supportive. That's why I was looking forward to going home so much.
I swear I do think he is going through the midlife thing. I know he is young, but he will be 30 in September. He has had a hard time with that with each passing year. Plus there is the fact that he is getting out of the AF in January and he has no clue what he is going to do with his life. Everything that I have read about MLC is right on with the things he is saying to me. As far as returning from Iraq, T thinks that he saw and went through a lot of stuff that he hasn't dealt with. She does think that has something to do with it. I am TRYING really hard with the anger thing. The funny thing is is that I have NEVER been an angry person. I didn't know I was capable of getting so mad and feeling so angry, not a good feeling.
I know what you mean about taking pleasure in him looking bad. I have seen H a couple of times not looking very good and I took pleasure in it. My H is very good looking, he's tall, slim, muscular, very good dresser...you better believe I took pleasure in it. Tears are good, it shows that he has some feeling. My H is a very emotional person but I haven't seen one tear and it is so strange. I understand wanting contact, good or bad.
Yes, send me an email, I would love to hear it. I have also been accused of "stalling" and "grasping". I know 120 days will seem like forever. Hang in there, it sounds like you have a lot of good people around you to help you through this.
