When do we stop looking through the affair glasses

[SorryDog]

When do we stop looking through the affair glasses ?

...I am just sucking air right now...everything I look at triggers... memories...what if's...hopes for the R...etc. etc. etc...
Even worse is how you look at other people,friends,family,etc..."do they know what is going on,the truth or the half truth the w is telling ? "..."does anyone care ?"...the topper " is the good looking gal wearing a ring ? "....etc,etc,etc ...where do you stop ?

My guess is that, these glasses will be on for a long time no matter what happens...
what stinks is that I did not put them own and now I can not get them off...

When do we stop looking through the affair glasses ?..they do not look good on me !

Like I said " I am just sucking air right now "...Thats all...SorryDog

[LL44]

Oh man, the triggers. Its like you are driving along peacefully and then, bam. An image in your head. It stops me in my tracks and I have to remember to breathe. I get so angry that H has betrayed me and that now I don't trust anyone, since the one person that was supposed to be here no matter what broke my heart.

I have the affair glasses on big time tonight. H just left to go out and I have no idea if OW will be there. Plus I got special 'triggers' from my innocent kids telling me how they saw Miss ___ all week long..at the grocery store...at school... Lovely.

I have nothing positive to add except that I know exactly how you are feeling. Exactly.

[SorryDog]

My mind is spinning right now I because of knowing she is probably w/ the 3rd right now !!!....that is part of my head /heart problem right now...in her selfishness she has not called our kid's to talk to them today...it just goes on and on where does this merry go round stop ? ....thats all... SorryDog

[LL44]

Oh man, I am so sorry!!! Sometimes when I get really upset, my hands shake and I feel..just...wired. Its horrible. And to not call her kids? That is just her trying to escape her guilt!!

[mkultra]

I saw a woman on Oprah talk about how she forgave her H after he slept with her best friend! They had an ongoing affair in her own bed! Unbelievable. She said she saw him eating alone in a MacDonald's parking lot on a Saturday morning in his little car while she was with all her friends and their kids. She decided to take him back. The counselor mentioned not to view spouses as victims or LBS as martyrs, etc. When I get a trigger I imagine that pathetic soul eating Saturday morning breakfast all alone in his car. Try not to picture sex, or playing, flirting or phone calls. I know that is almost impossible. Focus on the patheticness of the sitch. Beauty, sexuality, laughter, all that new stuff fades, but Saturday morning family breakfasts with the kids last a lifetime.

[mkultra]

Having said that , may I tell you about my worst trigger yet? It was the cemetery. I drove by our country cemetery and burst into tears. I just remembered our burial plan. We were to be cremated and have our ashes spread amongst the grape vines of the hilltop vineyard where we exchanged our wedding vows. We loved the idea of happy folks drinking in our souls in a bottle of wine. Ashes to ashes, the cycle of life. The spot has a vista of the Napa Valley and is surrounded by roses and redwoods. I cried because I knew I would have to change my burial plan along with every other plan for our future.

[SorryDog]

I apologize for my current rant...but I just found out my 13 y rD has been trying to call her mom all night and no return call from the W...I am not a happy camper at the moment...I do have 4 11yr boys from my sons fball team in the house and there will be a great breakfast in the morn...we are getting ready to watch 300 w/ a few clips that will be fast forwarded...thats all... now to watch some good fighting action w/ the Spartans...SorryDog

[mkultra]

Have un! That phone issue is tough. My H and I avoid each other but sometimes it is not me calling him, it is the kids. No one can ever get a hold of him while he is at the OW place because he is so underground still. I can tell when he is calling back from his car or a bathroom. What a coward. I just tell my kids to leave voicemails. How can he not be guilty when he hears his own proginy's voice on his mobile in the toilet of his mistress?

[mkultra]

Have fun! Can't wait to see 300 myself. That phone issue is tough. My H and I avoid each other but sometimes it is not me calling him, it is the kids. No one can ever get a hold of him while he is at the OW place because he is so underground still. I can tell when he is calling back from his car or a bathroom. What a coward. I just tell my kids to leave voicemails. How can he not be guilty when he hears his own proginy's voice on his mobile in the toilet of his mistress? I wonder if he hides us from her the way he hides her from us. Assh%$e.

[reecegirl]

I can relate today..had a really big trigger today. H was talking in his sleep ...I was trying to wake him to get ready for work and he called me the OW name.....very upsetting. He says he did not say her name and that I misunderstood him. Then he seemed to be mad at me....you know it really burns my buns for him to act like I am at fault when he is the one who screwed up!!! Then he said I was acting cold and distant...uh you just call me by the wrong name...yeah I am a little bit hurt! DUH! He says he never gives her a thought...but a part of me wonders if it is beacuse when she found out about me and she was so angry and never wnated to talk to him again....says she had no idea he was married....she apologized to me and said that is why she is divorced now..her H had an A...says she would have never done that to anyone...knows how bad it hurts.Now he is at work.....I am here alone....and sad....again.
Sorry Dog...give those sweet kids a hug...they need to know they are loved and it is very clear that you love and acare for them very much....you cannot make up for the selfishness of their M but you can be there for them. Hang in there...we are here for you!