Corri Lou: You are retired, correct? I work PT. I could have retired 3 years ago but must have a work addiction. How long have you and BB been in the house where you currently live? I physically did about 20% of the work on this house when it was built in 1974. I drew the plans/blueprints from measuring several houses that were under construction, that BB and I visited.
This house design is about #5 in a series of modifications and what if this room was…………., what would that be like to live in? I also had a material list, and cost list.
I didn’t have all the skills to build the whole house. I worked for a home builder for a while and we framed, sided, and roofed the houses. When the house was finished, I did some landscaping work on contract with the same home builder.
I was a plumber’s helper for a little while but plumbing and electrical work has to be done by “certified contractors.” The help (me) doesn’t have to be certified. I had a “Master auto Mechanic certification” at the time but, sorry wrong field to get your own plumbing and electrical work past the building inspectors.
Were you living there when you retired? We lived here since 9/1974. A big difference from my childhood, moving 28 times from 2nd to 10th. Grade. Was BB a homemaker when you retired? Long version: When we got M, BB worked for a year. We lived in PA.
BB had a relative in MT and I got a job with what now is called Conoco-Philips, in the retail automotive products and service division they had at the time.
BB’s folks just retired and said we could live in their house while they went south. They didn’t know if they were going to like AZ. and didn’t want to sell their house, so we moved in and all I had to do was pay the taxes, utilities and do the maintenance.
Because our expenses were low and BB didn’t want to do nursing work anymore, she decided to not to work.
Being a young couple that liked sex and a house to our selves, BB and I decided to start the family.
We lived in the IL’s house for 2 years. They were there 3-4 months in the summertime. BB was a SAHM.
When the IL’s decided they liked AZ, they sold the house; we bought our first house not too far from where we live now. We humped, and humped out kid #2 there. BB was still a SAHM.
More houses built around our house made me feel cramped. Small lots in the city are common. I decided I didn’t want to be 10 ft and 30ft on another side, that close to even a good neighbor. I bought this one-acre property, and did all I could to have a house I wanted. BB was still a SAHM till the youngest was in 6~ grade. She worked 10 hrs a week during the noon hour. That went on till 1986.
86’ I had my second back injury, was laid off, put on worker’s comp, the whole family was eligible for some type of grant. I went to college, BB worked PT at K-Mart for a little while, then went to LPN nursing school the second time. Kid #1 was eligible for educational grants and went to college with me for a while. We even had a class together.
BB finished her LPN nursing program and went to work full time for a while, then worked a .6/.8 which is 3 to 4 days a week for 10 years, then 2-3 days a week for 5 years.
In the beginning of BB’s 2nd. Work career, Kid #2 was in HS, Kis#1 in college, boyfriend induced drop=out, then she went into the nursing program BB had been through.
Corri, BB retired early a couple of years ago, I work part-time and it takes all day to do my work, post, read, throw some things away, take things to the donation store, and visit a few friends.
Lesson 1. When you have decided to take back control of your own purpose and life, you need to seriously begin to think about what that is going to feel like. 1. My purpose is to do more tings I like w/o taking away from someone else.
When you take charge of the wheel again... odds are she isn't going to like it too much. 2. What ever BB says that is not factual, out of sync with most of our reality, I need to have a “thick skin” and do some Byron Katie work.
Really understand how it feels inside of you... so that if you move out of this state... you will know. 3. I know how it feels when things are going right for both of us. I don’t know how to act/feel/change my feelings when there is a lot of conflict. This area needs to be developed/explored more. I want to feel like I have done something right/good for both of us in the long run. I know wanting to feel I am doing the right things conflicts with someone’s feelings of self-centeredness. Determining what is self-centeredness in the OP and what is being respectful so a R continues to thrive, and avoiding my own self-centeredness is a balancing act.
Lesson 2. Now that you HAVE decided to take this road... what is your new purpose and direction? 1. I want to decrease my feelings of frustration and increase my feelings that I will have relationships with a more optimistic outlook. I want to get away from seeing the R’s in my life as half full, might be better but there are these special circumstances if not considered, the R will be worse.
2. I want to see my day-to-day life look forward to the better things and not what needs fixing.
What makes you happy? And I want an answer that is all about YOU... it doesn't include your husband, your kids, your house, your friends 1. I want to sleep till about 7/7:30 and not have to consider what pets are on what medications, cook breakfast w/o worrying about another person’s pickiness. 2. If I want to go some place, I want to go w/o making it a big deal. Plan a month or a week, lock the doors and go for a few days. 3. I want to work part time for just a few customers that have standard equipment, that I know how to repair and have parts in stock. Right now I have too many customers, mostly with different machines and have a difficult time stocking parts and learning new machines when it comes to repairs. This one is going to be tough to do.
4. An alternative is to work for a larger firm where I do one brand of machine repairs or the larger company has a new machine training-program.
5. Another choice is to retire almost 100%. I have the money to retire 100% but I don’t feel right not working. I often tell myself working is not a requirement, so why do I work?
Part of the work puzzle is I got to where I am by working for myself or on commission. I never worked for a company that had a retirement model that people talked about and drew on once certain conditions were met, you took the next step, and did something different.
I see a night and day difference between some employees paid by the hour and some business owners. I have been on several sides (hourly, commission, and self employed) of the income train. Believe me there is a big difference sometimes.
Inertia also keeps me working because to do other wise during my difficult times, would mean I wasn’t going to get anywhere. I did see other guys lose things when I wasn’t working, and I was going to college.
One psychologist said some people that went through the depression that started in 1929, don’t know how to lessen up and enjoy what they built up over the years. Then, there are people that win/inherit several million dollars and continue to work. Maybe I am not so odd.
Getting big bucks and being broke in a short time, to me is odd, but people do it.
Now that I am here financially, I still do what was in the past necessary to survive. Working is a form of security blanket. Maybe I need a forced “Calgon take me away” moment. One vacation in 20 years says something too?
Back to "don't including anyone else" in my plans, If I was single I would go several places. I don’t need anyone to go with me, never did. I go to lunch by myself to avoid BB’s list of conditions.
