I debated signing up for this, but it seems to have helped so many people so I wanted to share my story.
I have been married for four years in September. That's right, just four years. H and I were dating/engaged for five years before that. While we were in college, I saw him several times taking phone calls from girls, meeting girls at bars, and one time he even cheated on me. I caught him all these times, so I am unsure how many other times there were. I forgave him each time, and took him back. He said he loved me and I believed him - and I think he truly did. We got married and I tried to move on.
About a year later, emails with strange women started again. I checked up on him often because I didn't trust him. I would confront him and he would apologize and promise to stop. This happened pretty much once a year. Then a few months back, I found out that he had one of our "acquaintenances" over to our house while I was out of town. They did everything but the deed. He never came to me with this information, I again found out by checking his email. But once I did, he admitted everything.
I told him I was leaving and he begged and pleaded that I stay. I said fine - but I had a plan to go get my own revenge. I did that weekend, with one of my good friends. We didn't follow through - I knew I was doing it for all the wrong reasons. I told H about this when I got home, and he was upset but knew why I did it. Meanwhile, I was making friends with "her" because I wanted her to stay away from H. Ironically she was going through a divorce, so I could relate to her and actually feel bad for her. This made H extremely uncomfortable, but I was trying to sweep it under the rug like I always do.
A month ago, he was out of town and I was in an interesting situation with one of his friends. We hung out and one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together. I now realize this wasn't revenge, but I just wanted to feel accepted by someone. This other man and I talked the next day, and agreed to go on as if nothing happened. It is eating me alive, but I just didn't want to tell H. Sad thing is, I have some sort of feelings for this other person because of what we have in common. There was an instant connection, or at least in my mind there was. He has invited us over to his home to hang out and still calls H to see when we go out. I think he is trying to make sure everything is still ok.
Fast forward to a month later. After several emotional breakdowns and finally figuring out H will never change, I decide to get a place of my own. In fact, I am sitting here right now. It was the hardest decision for me....and I almost filed for divorce but H asked that I give him a chance to prove himself to me. I asked him how - it is a leap of faith for me given the situation I have been in over and over. The other man is out of the picture...I have talked to him a few times since then, but he is adamant that nothing will happen again and wants me and H to work things out. I still feel something for him though...
So now I don't know what to do. I am trying to just take it day by day. I am going to counseling, as is H, and we are trying to find ourselves to make our marriage whole. I still have not told H about what happened with this other man, mainly because it is his friend and I don't know what he will do. In my head I rationalized that there is probably so much H has done that I don't know about.
I am completely lost and confused, and any advice anyone has would be greatly appreciated.
