My H has already taken this same OW to his brothers 50th birthday party he said as a form of closure before he was coming home again. And I was oh so accomodating even so far as to say yes to borrowing my digital camera to freeze caprute this moment in time for them. When he returned to our home my kids S21 and D19 found the pictures and deleted them.According to my children they depicted my H and the OW behaving like lusty 17 year olds. My H claimed that was the most disrespectful thing his kids had ever done to him. That time he stayed home 2 weeks before returning to the OW's. He then asked to come home at Easter for the 4th time since I found out about the affair and of course since I wanted so desperately to believe in him and stand for our marriage I said yes. This again lasted 2 weeks but the addiction of the OW was too great. For the first week we were talking and finding common ground. Then the contact began again, followed by the lies, the anger and the denial. He left and I offered unconditional love validating that he was where he was but denying to own his Sh!t. He continued contact all the while living with OW. I drew my line in the sand stateing that I wanted nothing to do with him while he was with OW, when/if he was ever done I would be open to an R. He wanted to keep me as a freind and have the OW ( of course without her knowing) I of course said NO!!! OW started to exert her agenda and talk of money began. I then contacted a lawyer. H was served with papers for legal separtation. OW responded, to my lawyer to which H signed that he would not be getting a lawyer because separation was aimiable and friendly and we had worked everything out. He would and has always said he would be fair to me and the kids. I fail to see how remaining silent in the marriage, dropping a bomb, walking away, rewriting history to fit his guilt can be considered fair. When I responded in kind and refused to be manipulated and controlled then I was angry even though he was the one with the spew. I was accused of turning our children against him, they are 21 and 19 and find his 17 year old antics with the OW not only wrong but disrespectful. He says he is done but continues to find excuses to contact me by email or text messages. It funny he has only once came to see me in person in the last 4 months. Did you avoid your spouse? Moving on and getting a life is difficult when he insists on drawing me back into his drama. He says things that give me glimpses into the life with the OW as not being all rosy but in the next breath insists that he is happy and he is praying I too find hapiness. All the while I think it doesn't have to be this way.
Sorry for the long ramble my 28th wedding anniversary is in a week and I am very emotional and introspective.
Are we wver meant to understand? I have done much work on me and many positives ( selling the house, going back to school, volunteering, reaching out to old friends, making new ones,traveling and recognizing, understanding and forgiving myself for my partin the break down of our marriage. I am grateful for my journey.
