How would Cac EVER know how much his smoking bothered you unless you told him.

He wouldn't, any more than I would know how much our crappy sex life made him feel unloved. I know they aren't equal analogies, but we sometimes forget that what seems obvious to us isn't always obvious to anyone else.

I have certainly made negative comments about his smoking and cigarettes over the years.

The first words I ever uttered to him were, "Would you get away from me with that cigarette!" said in a dismissive and disgusted tone of voice.

I banned smoking in the house in 1991. But he probably assumed that was because I have asthma (and that WAS part of it).

I suppose some people like myself, who have never smoked and who see it as a disgusting habit, figure that on some level a smoker has GOT to know how awful it truly is. But, in all those years I never actually said to cac, "you know, smoking makes you smell bad and it turns me off. I don't care to have sex with you unless you are showered with teeth brushed," which I think would have stated my feelings about it pretty clearly.

After thinking about it, I see that I am more sensitive to smoke now than I was as a youth and young adult (so Cobra, in that respect you are correct) because of our society's changing views of smoking. My parents were both smokers when I was born (my mother quit when I was a small child.) Relatives and friends of my parents smoked. I remember how awful it was sitting in the "smoking section" of a commercial airplane with cac right after our wedding in '89. People in the office were allowed to smoke in the office. I was desensitized to smoke because I was so often exposed to it. I never liked it, but I was more tolerant of it.

But then things started changing. No more smoking in the house. Restaurants and bars changed their policies. Smoking was banned on domestic flights. Smoking was banned in my office. Much less exposure to smoke increased my sensitivity to it. I don't imagine I would consider even dating a smoker today, never mind marrying one.

Thanks for the med recommendation. Looks like it could truly help a lot of people. Yes, some meds indeed seem miraculous, and I know that from first-hand experience. Glad it worked for you!!