That is a quote from your last thread. Where I am now in my sitch it really speaks to me.
Recently my W said casually in some light hearted conversation at home (which does happen), 'Peter won't argue, he's afraid of me...'.
All very funny at the time, but on later reflection I realised.... she's right. I AM afraid of her. Or of her controlling behavior, at least. And I suddenly saw that she is frequently, actively exploiting that fear. One of my confidants said to me she dropped her guard in making that comment and that it opens up a path of understanding and coping for me.
Fact is, she is (consciously or not) continually intimidating me with her comments and asides, and the endless rehearsal of the supposed faults of years.
Seeing this so clearly, in the light of her comment and my friend's observation, has somehow, suddenly, made me much less vulnerable to it. I suppose that what she has been exploiting is my historic willingness to take her seriously, to respect her comments, just as I did for a decade or more. It makes me sad to have to abandon that respect, which was such a hallmark of our relationship. But I am doing that now, I am taking each comment one at a time, and I'm not swallowing the hook as much.
This has freed me up inside, very much.
Not sure if this is relevant to your sitch, but wanted to express this idea in case it's useful...
