What have I done with the disppointment? At first it nearly killed me, Puddle. I really thought I was going to die. The person I most trusted, the man who had been through so much with me, whom I would have defended to death, was killing me. Not only had he become a stranger, he blamed me. At first, I believed him and so I was a failure, I was a disappointment, I was the cause.
My punishment was to make way for his new life.
Now, after dragging myself out of the mire he blithely flung me into, doing the 180's, the GALing, building my PMA, I realise I am a wonderful person and his needy, pathetic fantasy is not my fault.
Of course I have huge waves of doubt all the time and at these times I can hardly stomach the disappointment. It can be excruciating and so it takes a while and a lot of courage to calm myself.
