Not to be vulgar, but does he feel the need to, er, "do", someone of a different skin color?
No, he meant that there's as little point in working on us as there would be in trying to change my ethnicity, i.e., I'm in love with someone else and you're not her. Nothing to be done. Hopeless. No one's fault.
Originally Posted By: Heimlich
Quote:
He said he didn't see the point of going into it just to rip my heart out.
Ah, I got a variant of this too My interpretation: I'm scared shitless of doing the hard work to make this R work. So I'm going to run away in the hopes that I'll be happy, the pain will go away, and, when I start dating someone else, these problems will magically disappear.
He was referring not to working on the R, but to being honest with me about how he feels (about the OW). Though maybe working on the R would include being honest about how he feels, and since there's no point in working on it (see above), he doesn't see why he should be honest for the sake of being honest since it will hurt me. Does that make sense?
Originally Posted By: Heimlich
If you really love your H and want to make this work, you'll remain patient and let this verbiage roll off your back.
I do (though it's honestly hard to feel at the moment), and I'm willing to be patient. I'm trying to do my own thing, work on me, etc, but I don't know what to do about the talking he's waiting for. I think he feels frustrated that I just can't understand how useless it is and is looking forward to getting it all out in the open and talking about moving forward, his version of moving forward. In a moment of supreme ego and insensitivity a week ago he said to me, "I'll know you're okay when you start dating." Bastard. I don't know what to say to him. Last night I said that clearly there were many talks ahead of us. He's waiting for me to initiate them. "It's all about you," he says.
Originally Posted By: Heimlich
Remember the Far Side cartoon? Doctors in a lab. On the bulletin board, water, milk, coke, etc off a duck's back, "Acide off a duck's back" with acid crossed out. All the stuff spewing from your H's lips is acid. Let it roll off.
Ouch. And ha! Thanks, I needed a laugh.
Thanks, Heimlich, for your words, however addled. : ) I sure do appreciate the support.
