He argued again it's not about the R, it's not about me. Said if he decided he absolutely wanted someone of another ethnicity, I couldn't do anything about it.
OK, I'm posting while slightly buzzed, so take this for what it's worth and in the good spirit intended. One, regarding the quote above, WTF does that mean? Not to be vulgar, but does he feel the need to, er, "do", someone of a different skin color?
Look, please remember that this isn't about you. I've heard so many things from my W over the last 10 months that I know don't reflect the reality of our marriage (or, if they do, reflect her decision not to attempt to make things better), that you can't take personally anything that they say. I know that's hard to accept, especially when you need to understand your role in where your R is now. That said, the WAS believes things, and needs to believe those things, about our marriages that were awful and bad and made them feel miserable. Do we have some role in those feelings? Yes. Do they? YES!!
Quote:
He said he didn't see the point of going into it just to rip my heart out.
Ah, I got a variant of this too My interpretation: I'm scared shitless of doing the hard work to make this R work. So I'm going to run away in the hopes that I'll be happy, the pain will go away, and, when I start dating someone else, these problems will magically disappear.
If you really love your H and want to make this work, you'll remain patient and let this verbiage roll off your back. Remember the Far Side cartoon? Doctors in a lab. On the bulletin board, water, milk, coke, etc off a duck's back, "Acide off a duck's back" with acid crossed out. All the stuff spewing from your H's lips is acid. Let it roll off.
Stay strong.
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
