Short recap of my sitch, which I thought I was alone in, but looking for others and their thoughts.
My H and I married 28yrs H: WAS had PA and back home now for 2 yrs. OW lived out of town Now: I recently learned what I had thought was true, the EA continued and I confronted him recently. Now what????????????
After a year S, my H returned to our home about 2 yrs. ago, H stated the A was over and wanted to really work on us. Yes, we've had some great progress, but in the back of my mind I have always wondered if H and OW stayed in contact.
My H and I never attended MC ( he wouldn't, H doesn't talk, silent about his guilt, still has issues of depression he won't admit)
Our R seemed to be making big strides, but only if I was silent about the past. Very little R talk at all between us, but still we had come a long way from how low our R had been. In the meantime I always had a nagging doubt of his continued contact. I believe ( with a lot of watching on my part, and OW being several hours away), that the PA ended, but know for sure the phone/email continued. I decided not to snoop at all, until this week, but knew in my heart that being naive and wearing blinders wasn't the answer.
Finally I confronted, H admitted, but swears only phone/email. Even if that all it was/is, the saddest part is that H doesn't get how much the lies, secrecy are still so hurtful.
Unfortunately, the day after I found out of the continued EA, got bad news on my mom's health, and I decided I could only focus on her, and not 2 crisises at once. The day I approached H that "I knew", he spew all the right words that reminded me of the PA and being caught back then. " ILY, i'll do anything, etc." all seeming to me like a person who when they get caught will say anything. Because I felt I needed to lean on my H during my mom's crisis, I have not said much. But the words I have spoke to H about this continued contact have put him in a low depression. Like----how dare he?
I think my H was the OW's rescuer, H was fond of her children, helped the OW through some bad times, and continued to keep up this connection, even as he was doing many right things for our M.
do EA connections continue because I enabled it to? never saying it's me " all or nothing"? how should I have or now set the boundarys, when I saw so many positives in our piecing, but at the same time the EA continued. Is this piecing all a lie?
