What stuff is going through our spouse heads ?...what do you think the guilt is doing to them ?...
I am just learning to get out of the way of their own guilt...by not talking about our R...or the OM...and whatever else that is possible to let them live with their guilt...it is no fun or easy, but I am trying to clear that path so she might come to her own ...like the prodigal...I am praying/watching for her on the horizon....SorryDog
PS... 25 days to our "D" court date...and it's looking good for the home team at the moment...I am still trying to understand it all...which may never happen...
Last edited by SorryDog; 08/17/0702:58 AM.
Me 47 W 42 D 20 S 18 D 13 S 11 Married 17 yrs Asked for D Mothers Day PA found out on 6/14/07 W filed D 7/3/07 D court date 9/10/07 W moved out 7/17/07
Wish I could answer that. My H actually said to me this: "It's kind of like if your food is running out at home, what do you do?" Of course, I answered you go get more. He said that's how he felt. He needed to go elsewhere to get what he didn't think he was getting at home. Granted, I wish he would have taken the time to communicate that to me prior to breaking out the credit card, but, hey, like I said who knows what they're thinking.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Though the hurt is strong I still sleep at night...the guilt has to eat through them unless they are psychopaths...there is nothing good for them at the end of their paths except bad,bad stuff...I am just in awe how they can live like this...thats all SorryDog
Me 47 W 42 D 20 S 18 D 13 S 11 Married 17 yrs Asked for D Mothers Day PA found out on 6/14/07 W filed D 7/3/07 D court date 9/10/07 W moved out 7/17/07
SorryDog, you kind of pegged it for me. I would *never* want to be the person that betrayed the S. I just couldn't live with the guilt, knowing what I did.
I know H feels guilty for what he did, but at the moment he is choosing to blame me for what he did (the breakdown of our marriage). He also has said in the past: "I never thought I would be this person" and "I am an ass", things like that. Then, one minute later, he is cold as ice.
Since the shock has worn off after H told me about A, I sleep better too. But I hear H tossing and turning on the couch downstairs.
Complicated Woman answer-I serously think he is somewhere between guilt, fear and entitlement. His actions show he must know it is wrong and immoral because of how underground he is. He also must feel entitled because of how public he is at other times. He must be torn because children are involved. he must also feel a kind of love, addiction, obsession, release because he has burned many bridges and cut off contact with almost everyone who seems dear. I know it sounds sick, but I think he thinks of it as romantic passion, like screw the world. It is us against the world and I will protect you from the wolves.
Simple man answer-Or it might just be fun to go out with a young chick who has no kids or responsibilities because your wife is too busy reading Dora books to the kids at bedtime.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Oh, don't we just love Dora. There is a book you just HAVE to get !! It's called Llama, Llama Red Pajama and it is priceless!!
SD: Hope you're hanging in there. It sucks, we all can attest to that, but it DOES get better.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
I am amazed how they go about like everything is OK, as if nothing had ever happened ( she is going on w/ her life,starting over... )...meanwhile I am spinning around and everything is affected...I know all the DB stuff and doing for the most part,but it all stinks to high heaven... I don't get how they live w/ themselves...are they in that big of a fantasy world ?
My vent for the day ( can you tell I just got off the phone w/ her just talking about kid plans for the weekend ) ...thats all SorryDog
Me 47 W 42 D 20 S 18 D 13 S 11 Married 17 yrs Asked for D Mothers Day PA found out on 6/14/07 W filed D 7/3/07 D court date 9/10/07 W moved out 7/17/07
SD, I agree. But I think they go about their daily business in a fog, I really do. But they don't want to show us any emotions. Hope you are having a good weekend so far.
... I think he thinks of it as romantic passion, like screw the world. It is us against the world and I will protect you from the wolves.
Simple man answer-Or it might just be fun to go out with a young chick who has no kids or responsibilities because your wife is too busy reading Dora books to the kids at bedtime.
In my situation, it's really both of these. It seems as if wife has worked through the guilt by justification: "This is my dream man, my life partner and soul mate. I should have met him before I met Mark. Therefore it's OK that I'm committing adultery and leaving a trail of tears. This is my path; with him is where I belong. And we can deal with the whispering. Together we can take on the world. Once he gets his divorce and I get mine, I will take my rightful place as his fourth wife. And after we get married, we won't cheat on each other. Honest. That's not our style."
Also, as with most of you as well, I have been talking care of the kids while she goes out to play. So she has never had to rely upon him for anything more that companionship, conversation, and sex. Nice work if you can find it...
But I'll take faithful marriage and consistent fatherhood any day.
