Thank you for responding. I think you may be the first one to talk to me that is kind of in the same boat about the lack of desire for the H. Most of the ones I have talked with are crazy in love with H and wants to ML, etc.

I have been once to a C when I first started having the on-line contact with OM. However, she did not see anything wrong with it and blamed my H for his lack of attention to the MR, etc. He did not like that one bit and so I did not go back. He will not consider going to C. So, it is either work it out ourselves (mostly me, since he doesn't feel that he has really done anything that bad.) or read books. That is why this bb has about saved my life.

Don't misunderstand my H. He is a good person. He is gentle and kind. But our R over the past 20 years just steadily declined and I got so lonely. I had not had hormones for many years after my hysterectomy. (I did at first, but then they finally took me off them...said they weren't doing anything.) I don't know if I just didn't have any drive or if it was my other health issues, but I felt like I kind of died inside. I wasn't feeling anything. Then I went to see a new doctor and she put me on hormones and all of a sudden, it was like my body woke up! About the same time is when I had slipped in the on-line communicating with OM. I was kind of excited to find out that I was a normal female instead of being frigid...but I was also eat up in guilt, b/c I knew I shouldn't be doing what I was doing. When H found out and it all hit the fan, it pushed my EA with OM into high gear. I think it would have all fizzled out if H had not discovered the messages. But, then after he did and confronted me about it, I turned to the OM for emotional support and the EA intensified. Then the next thing I knew, I was calling him on the phone....and one thing led to another until we were planning on meeting this past summer for a PA. That did not happen, thank God, but it was well on its way when I found this board.

I need a lot of encouragement about my feelings....or rather my lack of desire. I know I love my H, but it is more like loving a brother right now. I don't want to hurt him and that was the only reason (and not having the money) that stopped me from being a WAW. However, I feel like I could go the rest of my life without having sex with him. I do want to have sex....and would have had sex (I think) with OM. How can I explain that I think I could have had sex with OM that I had never been with before....easier than I can my H? That makes no sense to me.
Maybe I should have went over to the sex starved forum...but I felt like I should come here, b/c it just isn't about sex.

Please give me your thoughts anytime. It would be appreciated.

Last edited by sandi2; 08/18/07 02:27 AM.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!