Tyson is great, Chrom, he has programs on PBS's NOVA series. I think of Tyson a little like Sagan. Complex subjects explained so people see the big picture and the important details.
Princeton University keeps coming up on some of the NOVA programs. I don't know if they do publicity better/more than other U's or it is a more active think tank/research oriented.
Things are for the most part going smoothly, albeit at a low affection/intimacy level. Things have been busy with travel and working on house so it is not unexpected.
My W did come down from her hormone high, and has been somewhat distant. I did blunder severely and had another "talk" with her, which did nothing but make her defensive. I spent awhile kicking myself, but I got over it. I do feel resentment bubbling up from time to time, primarily because her low sex drive is accompanied by a low affection drive, but I'm doing my best to beat down my cravings as they do me no good. What I am trying hard to do is show my W that she can withdraw if she needs to and it won't throw me into the pit. It is hard to break old habits though.
I worry that I am slipping back into Nice Guy mode. I haven't been so good at enforcing my boundaries with the ILs, as they are very good at being "covert and manipulative" about trouncing them. The most recent time I attempt to verbalize my displeasure at a broken boundary, they ended up guilt-tripping my W about it and it was not a good situation all around. I knew this would be long and hard, gotta stick with it. I just have a hard time fighting their almost constant guilt-trips about nearly everything. Its hard to be "Who You Are" when the ILs (and to some degree the W from the ILs influence) don't like Who You Are and are trying to mold you into "Who They Want Their Daughter to be Married To" through (I'll have to admit) masterful manipulation.
I am coming to the realization though that unless something changes, the only way to enforce my boundaries with the ILs will be to move away from them. Unfortunately, I have this nagging gut feeling that that will result in ending my M. I hope I'm wrong.
Financially we have hit a few stumbling blocks. It has become increasingly clear that we will not make it on my professor salary with 3 kids unless either I take a second job or my W gets a job. So far we have been buttressed by a few grants that have fortuitously come in from my work, but all it will take is one dry year and we'll be in the hole. The W is having a hard time reconciling this with her life plan to be a SAHM that supplements our income with home craft projects. And at the same time she has recently ratcheted up the "I want another baby" talk. Ugh.
So, things are not as rosy as they were a few months ago, but they are better than they were a year ago.
Keep on keeping on.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Chrome, I totally missed your July post. Glad to hear you are still seeing the IC and that you feel confident enough to use him "as needed" and are smart enough to know you need his help at times!
You used 2 different ways to describe your difficulties right now
1) One of the hardest things I deal with every day is finally being aware that I am a potentially attractive person to females, and not responding to that either in inappropriate ways or by withdrawing.
2) I know this may sound absolutely silly and childish
Try to use version 1 and don't worry about version 2. My Xh was a bit fixated on the negatives when he first started a similar journey (fixing things from childhood/adolescence) and was overly concerned that they were issues he "should have" fixed years ago. My viewpoint is to not worry so much about the past and focus on the future. You and he are miles ahead of those that just decide to bury their issues and not look at them. I know you feel like it "sucks" now but imagine if you were 60 or 70 looking at the same issues. And even then, if you're still here, then there is still time to change and grow.
I can tell though that you do not need "cheerleading." I just wanted to give extra encouragement that you are on the right track and it is noticeable.
As far as the In-Laws, wow I really do feel for you. My friend's in-laws are passive aggressive interfering NUTS and I haven't a clue how to deal with those people. If they were not family, I would tell her to cut them out of their lives. My friend really has wanted to figure out how to work with them but after 3 years in the same state, it still is not going too well. She's "lucky" because her husband is sick of them too.
Thanks for the recommendations. I read a lot of Sagan in High School and some Hawkings. I have heard of Brian Greene (Elegant Universe??) and Lisa Randall. Creation/evolution debate is easy for me. It's the same as the Earth as the center of the universe issue. Back then the church was just as certain that the belief in God and religion would collapse if the Earth was NOT the center of the universe. Somehow religion has moved along just fine without the earth as the center of the universe.
Also amusing are the people who believe "Intelligent Design" since that "theory" also allows for aliens as well as God to be a potential Designer.
The bigger issue to me is that a lot people on either side of the argument do not really understand evolution. Stephen Jay Gould's "Full House: The spread of Excellence from Plato to Darwin" was very good for a better understanding.
Oh and I've been looking through Chet Raymo's book "An Intimate Look at the Night Sky." Great book. What do you think of him?
I love star gazing but it's so much harder to do now that I don't live on a farm. Light pollution is such a horrible problem. So much could be helped by such simple methods. If you think about it, the light that is not directed at the ground is really a waste of energy.
Anyway...back to you. Good luck with the financial and baby issues.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
The thing that sucks the most about going through adolescence at a later age is the fact that it is obvious to people around me. I do high quality work in nearly everything I do, and have built a reputation as such, but I haven't been offered leadership positions as much as I could have I think in part because of how often my childishness shows through. One friend has often exorted me to develop a better "poker face", but I think I will always have easy to read emotions. That's just me.
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I can tell though that you do not need "cheerleading." I just wanted to give extra encouragement that you are on the right track and it is noticeable.
Well I'm definitely going through a doldrums now and it is hard. I have 3 options which often pop up, none of which are particularly palatable (a) grin and bear it, be happy no matter what (b) allow my anger/sadness/fear to be visible (c) withdraw. The 4th option, and the one I should be taking, is be myself, point out the bad stuff no matter how many times it takes, and revel in the good stuff whenever it happens. The problem is that pointing out the bad stuff conflicts with my intent to allow her to withdraw temporarily if she feels the need, and reveling in the good stuff is hard because she often stomps hard on my excitement.
Of course, the best thing to do is to be as non-reactive as possible and chart my own path, but that is hard given the responsibilities of young children and the constant boundary testing from the ILs.
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Creation/evolution debate is easy for me. It's the same as the Earth as the center of the universe issue. Back then the church was just as certain that the belief in God and religion would collapse if the Earth was NOT the center of the universe. Somehow religion has moved along just fine without the earth as the center of the universe.
Oh I wish it were that simple, but remember that there was a long period where religious dissent was persecuted heavily, even on the heliocentrism topic. Although the response from the fundamentalist community is not as dramatic now as it was back then, it is still very serious and hits close to home. My SIL has decided to home-school her child because in large part she is angry at the thought that some science teachers will "force feed" her child evolution, which she says conflicts with her beliefs.
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Also amusing are the people who believe "Intelligent Design" since that "theory" also allows for aliens as well as God to be a potential Designer.
Glad to see you put theory in quotes there as the ID folks don't have a theory, just "holes" (as they see it) in current knowledge.
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The bigger issue to me is that a lot people on either side of the argument do not really understand evolution. Stephen Jay Gould's "Full House: The spread of Excellence from Plato to Darwin" was very good for a better understanding.
True. Unfortunately many scientists in disciplines that do not deal with "deep time" have been seduced by the ID arguments (e.g. physicists, mathematicians, chemists, engineers, doctors). Mathematicians for example do not understand that statistical arguments are not proof. It doesn't matter if there was a 1 in 10^4000 chance of something occuring. If it did, it did. Physicists and Chemists often get too hung up on the scientific method (which has a broader context than the narrow model most of them use ... e.g. must be PREdictive). And engineers and doctors I think for the most part do not appreciate the deep time sciences because they often do not have obvious practical applications.
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Oh and I've been looking through Chet Raymo's book "An Intimate Look at the Night Sky." Great book. What do you think of him?
I have heard good things about it, but never read it myself. A great (if outdated) series of books is Burnham's Celestial Handbook. That is what I first learned astronomy from and I think the mixture of science and history is still unparalleled. I wish they would do an update, but the original author is deceased. Actually the story behind that book is interesting too.
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Light pollution is such a horrible problem. So much could be helped by such simple methods. If you think about it, the light that is not directed at the ground is really a waste of energy.
YES! Light pollution is the one form of pollution that gets sneered at, because the adverse physical effects are minimal and/or hard to understand. But I think psychologically it is damaging to the human race. Of course, I'm biased. And you are right, there is no need to shine light upward.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
The problem is that pointing out the bad stuff conflicts with my intent to allow her to withdraw temporarily if she feels the need, and reveling in the good stuff is hard because she often stomps hard on my excitement.
Yeah wouldn't it be nice if life was easier? Sorry I couldn't resist. I know it's tough but just remember it is worthwhile too.
Unfortunately many scientists in disciplines that do not deal with "deep time" have been seduced by the ID arguments (e.g. physicists, mathematicians, chemists, engineers, doctors).
That amazes me because the "theory" is so weak not too mention the whole question about who the "designer" is. I'm an engineer so I thought that helped some. The same with the Climate change issues. For me, the most important chart from "An Inconvenient Truth" was the one that shows on the same chart the tracking of Earth temperature AND CO2 levels for the past few 100,000 years and how well temperature and CO2 levels track and then it shows the CO2 levels have already increased beyond anything seen in the past and projected to keep skyrocketing even further up. On top of that I studied Arrhenius's accelerated testing methods and with reading about him I found out that this Nobel Prize winner came up with the CO2/Global warming theory back in the late 1800s - well before any environmental "nuts" or 60s hippies came along with any purported agenda against cars.
YES! Light pollution is the one form of pollution that gets sneered at, because the adverse physical effects are minimal and/or hard to understand. But I think psychologically it is damaging to the human race.
There are studies that show total darkness during sleeping shows improved health over those without total darkness (nightlights, TV etc.) My XH and I lived in the country and over 7 years ago turned off all our outside lights when we wanted to attract barn owls. I was kind of a scaredy cat about darkness but I was amazed by how much I enjoyed the total darkness. Even when XH moved out and I was living alone, I didn't turn on the night lights because I appreciated the darkness. And definitely I believe that being able to see the stars is something that ties into something deep inside all humans.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
YES! Light pollution is the one form of pollution that gets sneered at, because the adverse physical effects are minimal and/or hard to understand. But I think psychologically it is damaging to the human race. Of course, I'm biased. And you are right, there is no need to shine light upward.
But it makes the night side of the Earth so pretty!
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
About two yeaes ago, I read about night-sky light polution. I thought I was odd for caring. Now I see other people here with similar interest.
And why do so many people not see that shining a light where the light rays will never hit anything but air, is not very conservative. It just squanders resources.
The thing that sucks the most about going through adolescence at a later age is the fact that it is obvious to people around me. I do high quality work in nearly everything I do, and have built a reputation as such, but I haven't been offered leadership positions as much as I could have I think in part because of how often my childishness shows through. One friend has often exorted me to develop a better "poker face", but I think I will always have easy to read emotions. That's just me.
Chromo,
Is that what you are really doing here? Going through adolescence at a later age? I beg to differ. The difference between adolescence and adulthood is that an adult can take care of themselves and others, and an adolescent can't. You seem to fit the description for adult quite readily.
There are other ways of describing what you are doing. If you were religiously inclined, you would call it walking a spiritual path. Since you seem more like a humanist, you might want to call it cultivating yourself to reach your fullest human potential. OK, that's clumsy. How about self-actualizing?
Oh, and don't assume that people who are management material are all grown up. The ranks of management are full narcissistic control freaks. There are plenty of model human beings who aren't management material.
So don't beat yourself up.
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
Yeah wouldn't it be nice if life was easier? Sorry I couldn't resist. I know it's tough but just remember it is worthwhile too.
Yeah, its tough, and most of the time I make it tougher by thinking too much.
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That amazes me because the "theory" is so weak not too mention the whole question about who the "designer" is.
Not only is the theory weak, there really isn't a theory of ID. It is solely built on what we DON'T know.
As the Kitzmiller v. Dover decision made VERY clear, the ID movement has the Christian god as a designer. The idea was to promote the designer concept in school, then follow up with designer = God in church. Fortunately we had a very sharp judge who saw through the shenanigans.
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I'm an engineer so I thought that helped some.
It should, but if you look at the lists of scientists who support ID/creationism, most of them are doctors (research and practicing), mathematicians, and engineers. Don't get me wrong though, MOST engineers I know don't subscribe to ID.
And don't get me started about Climate Change. That issue is ridiculously complex, and people on BOTH sides WAY overstate their arguments. "Opponents" of Climate Change/Global Warming can throw just as many graphs and charts up as the supporters. The fact of the matter is that climate modeling is still too young for conclusive arguments, and we understand too little about it to change it anyway. But I fall under the "better safe than sorry" argument. Let's minimize the impact we have on atmospheric CO2, just in case it really is a problem, before it becomes a problem that we cannot in any way reverse. And the arguments that these proposed changes will hurt industry are utter garbage. It may hurt those people who are CURRENTLY making a lot of money, but the economy is flexible enough to accomodate just about any shift we make.
I too have found that sleeping in utter darkness is good. Of course having three young kids has moderated the benefits sharply.
And I definitely agree that seeing the stars and experiencing the wonderment of the universe is essential for a healthy soul.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Ditto that DIY. The lights are shining so that they can reflect off of something that we want to see. Do we want to see the atmosphere? Nope. Then why shine lights upward?
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Sorry I couldn't resist. I know it's tough but just remember it is worthwhile too.