My mom still employs my H and she says he is always late or fleeing to drive his OW around. So crazy! He never has the car seats installed. Guess he does not want the classic Daddy Mobile! I start to think how pathetic he must feel when he meets her friends who are all probably undreaged strange creatures, penniless, tattooed, vegan, fringe. I do not judge these people. they are young. i only judge an old man pretending to be one of them!
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
That`s good, but you really should protect yourself financially and legally. God forbid something should happen, some kind of messy drama with ow, say she smacks up his car, you don`t want to be responsible for any of their mishaps.
He`s getting away with so much, no responsibilities for him. I agree that he must look like an old fart compared to her friends.
Protect yourself and D1.5, at least find out what your right`s are.
You sound strong. My H also is in the "protector" role. His OW is a young, mixed up girl getting off welfare and a ex-husband who is an alcoholic.
H told me he feels like "superman" when he is with her. I remember telling him if that was the case then he should "fly away". I am independent, strong, and opinionated. I can take care of myself and am looking for a real man.
It is almost like my H was 12 years old again. It is so sad. I miss what he use to be like so much
Me: 45 H: 43 Married: 19 years Dated 05 years Bomb: 11/06 OW - "I love her, but still want you as my friend"
Goal, this wanting us as friends is a weird one, and one on which there is a lot of debate. SOme feel that it is good, and should be encouraged.
I feel that for someone to be my friend they have to act like one, and I don't consider lack of concern, lack of compassion, and deceit to be the hallmarks of a friendship. But others here do it beautifully, and I admire them.
Curiously, when my husband has one of his rare flashes of sanity [last one was Dec 06/beginning Jan 07, so they aren't frequent! He told me how much he admired my self respect.
ANd BND has said that the people who told them they were doing teh right thing in MLC are the ones the MLCers turn against when they do emerge from their crisis.
I do know that any sane person wouldn't have an affair, and expect their spouse to remain their 'friend'
I feel that for someone to be my friend they have to act like one, and I don't consider lack of concern, lack of compassion, and deceit to be the hallmarks of a friendship. But others here do it beautifully, and I admire them
Well, I spoke w/DB counselor. I have a lot o freasons to be worried. OW is bipolar and I think she's been in the house. Also OW's mother is mentally ill and supposedly threatens OW. (This is where H is just pathetic in taking advantage of situation.)
I have, however, begun to suspect that H is unipolar (depressive) if not actually bipolar himself.
DB counselor suggested meeting with a mediator to discuss practical issues of insurance, D1.5 care and so on. Mediators can be counselors. I thought this was a good suggestion.
I also want the opportunity for H to see that legally speaking, he would be required to offer more care and pay more CS if we D.
I don't think this will draw us closer together but I continue to worry about D1.5 and possible ill effects of OW on my life, so I consider that to be something that needs to be discussed. Having a counselor there (note that this is not MC) would help to resolve issues.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
As for the ill effects of OW, there isn't anything you can do but be the best mother to your daughter that you can be.
And breton, you are spending entirely too much time worrying about OW. I really haven't known what to say to you lately because you are so wrapped up in her, her problems, your H and what he is doing. You simply have no control over that. You do much better when you don't think too much. Having said that, I do understand how it happens. I was there.
There have been many discussions about OW on these boards, none of them very flattering, but one consistent factor that emerges is how many of them are actually mentally ill - by bi-polar, emotionally unstable, schizophrenic and so on.
I think they attract the MLCer, and are attracted to them. RCR talks about negative energy, and it does make sense. If you say 'The OW is crazy' it sounds like the angry wife, but truly, so many of them are extremely disturbed. And of course they so often play on this as the MLCer tries to break it off - suicide threats, and so forth.
Don't worry about 'driving them away' The MLC has a life of its own, and I have come to believe that thiere isn't a lot we can do except be true to ourselves, and as kind as possible to them, while maintaining your own boundaries. Almost anything we do is subjected to weird misinterpretation. If we stand for our marriage we can't accept reality, and if we initiate divorce proceedings we can't wait to get rid of them. If we want to get everything sorted out legally, short of divorce we don't trust them, and so forth. It is like a distorting mirror.
There have been many discussions about OW on these boards, none of them very flattering, but one consistent factor that emerges is how many of them are actually mentally ill - by bi-polar, emotionally unstable, schizophrenic and so on.
I think they attract the MLCer, and are attracted to them. RCR talks about negative energy, and it does make sense. If you say 'The OW is crazy' it sounds like the angry wife, but truly, so many of them are extremely disturbed. And of course they so often play on this as the MLCer tries to break it off - suicide threats, and so forth.
Don't worry about 'driving them away' The MLC has a life of its own, and I have come to believe that thiere isn't a lot we can do except be true to ourselves, and as kind as possible to them, while maintaining your own boundaries. Almost anything we do is subjected to weird misinterpretation. If we stand for our marriage we can't accept reality, and if we initiate divorce proceedings we can't wait to get rid of them. If we want to get everything sorted out legally, short of divorce we don't trust them, and so forth. It is like a distorting mirror.
I am of the opinion that the ONLY way you can have any peace of mind in dealing with these people is to have NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER! Look at it this way, if you do have contact, try to be kind, etc. All that you are doing is giving them a chance to pick fights, argue, drag you into the craziness, etc. No contact is the only way to achieve peace of mind.
