I know how you feel about continuing a R with H. Try stepping back as much as you can from him and detach with all your might. Only speak with him when you have to. The less you deal with him, the more he`ll notice your pulling away.
I don`t see where it`s any of your IL`s business about what you do or who with. Don`t let them intimdate you. Be respectful and cheerful around them and don`t get dragged into any drama.
I am not sure if H saw the card but I think he did and did not even open it. At any rate, it is there on the table now.
Not sure what to make of ILs. They want me to bring D1.5 out to see them. I do care about his grandmother and she is old and said she wants to see me before she goes (she is like 95 now).
So maybe MIL is hoping that I won't take off and file? I don't know. I think she wants us to stay together but H will tell her his MLC lies and so who knows. I may be paranoid but maybe it's better to be paranoid.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
Hi Breton, I wanted to see how you are. I wanted to let you know that our sitches are quite similar. I am not good at keeping a thread so I bounce around. I guess I also belong in MLC territory. Regarding the MIL, I find it best to act loving. My MIL thinks of me as a daughter and a conduit to her most precious love, my D6. I always let her know that I love her son as a best friend and want him to be happy no matter what. I tell her not to worry and that everything will be fine. That is vague enough.
Regarding post patrum Our MC mentioned that I may have had post lactation depression. A lot of our problem occured the time of my S2's birth and worsened when I weaned him, more depression and isolation. I did not see this because I may have only had eyes for him, my S2! If you saw him you would know why! My little prince.
Regarding the OW: My aged, short, skinny, balding, grey haired, shy H has also met someone who looks like a teen and acts like a street urchin, literally, one of those people who panhandle in the city. He has attached himself to her as her protector. It is troubling and something I do not wish for my own D6. The OW does not have a father, issues. I do not know her, but my mom has interacted with her at her work.
Regarding the Beach: I find the water extremely therapeutic. The waves come no matter what. The sound drowns out everything bad. The massiveness seems to shrink my problems. Plus, it is fun for the kids.
Regarding Looking Hot: Yeah, me too. I am meeting my goal weight and walking tall. I love my age and my life. He can choose to be miserable. I choose Bridget Jones.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Oh yeah, I forgot, loving your thread and attitude!
Re Anniversary: Our tenth came and went like nothing. He was in denial and deceitful about his affair. The phone records show he had a pretty obssesive affair E or P? I hate the idea that he was with her on Mother's Day, Father's Day and on our annivesary. What kind of drug does he need to take to erase all thing meaningful? I guess I should not be sentimental, but it does hurt and he acts completely apathetic almost distasteful, like, "Yuck, I spent too much time with you."
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Don`t worry about the card. You did your part by giving him one, he may be feeling guilty about everything, so pretending not to see it works for him. These MLC`ers are thinking more than we know.
By all means, go see grandma, that`s your reason for being there with D1.5, enjoy the time with her while the IL`s are visiting with baby. You`re in control, so stay only as long as you like.
If you don`t want a D, don`t file, let H do all the work. His parents must be appalled at his new life. Dropping a beauty like you and his D1.5 for a 22 years old floosie. My IL`s haven`t spoken a word to me since H dropped the bomb, funny thing is we are still together 2 years later and all seems well to outsiders, yet still no word from H`s family. Trust me, it`s much better this way, they have their own problems, but knowing them the way I do and how appearances mean so much to them, I`m just swept under the rug. Me, my children and grandchildren are not acknowledged by them. Their loss.
The fact that H was going to be a grandpa, without having a child of his own, (H is younger than I) at 42 threw him deep into MLC land. The fact that my S got his GF pregnant didn`t help, how would that look to H`s parents. My granddaughter came into my life when I needed an angel the most, just like your little angel.
Keep up the positive attitude Breton, you are doing great!! It will take some time, but H will come around, albeit it may be too late for him.
By the way, I understand how good it can help you feel when men notice you. My H does notice this and sometimes I wish I can follow through with some of them, just to go out and have dinner with someone who is enchanted with me. The time will come for me and you, when we figure out the path were suppossed to take, until then, enjoy the knowledge that you are a desirable woman and some man will be so lucky to have you in his life, it may be our H`s, it may not.
Mkulta, I am not sure about OW but I suspect that at one point she had nowhere to live. See, H gets to be protector and feel good about himself and has an adoring little groupie. I cannot be like that. I am a woman and while I can admire H, I am not a Girl Child. If he needs a girl child, I am not the person.
That is why I say I feel sorry for her; it was wrong of H to take advantage of her situation. She is mentally ill and desperate and while he thinks he's her protector, the reality is that they are just using each other AND it's a control problem on his part. He gets to control her.
Snooping today yielded that H has a doctor appointment and calls to pharmacy. I handed him an insurance bill on his way out (I did not have to pay it--woo-hoo.) He tried to tell me we should split it and I said "Well, it's the same cost on my car." Said if he took me off it it would be a reduced rate, and I said "Probably only if you have a legal separation." Actually it's stressed me out that he may want to teach OW to drive so it has been very stressful to consider if I should file LS over this.
Told him baby and I would be busy and gone tomorrow--H was curious but I tell him nothing.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
You should talk to a lawyer as soon as possible. You need to protect yourself and your D, you don`t have to file anything, just know what your rights are.
Keep being vague. What you do is none of his business anymore. His choice, not yours.
that is true...but to save money and to consider that he might not put her on the insurance, I can also call the insurance company to see if he did put her on it.
She can't even drive, the poor helpless little thing. So H has been driving her around all summer. With high gas prices, too. But he's livin' the dream!!
I am never sorry for him when he gets slapped with bills because it means that maybe he will start to see how much I contributed financially.
I have some empathy that he's so generally clueless.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
Have you spoken with a lawyer since he`s moved out? You have to protect yourself from these crazy MLC`ers. Who knows what they`ll do next, and most of them like to spend money without thinking.
Does he pay you any kind of support? What are his visitation rights?
