He is still contacting her via txt, email, phone, etc., but I am hoping and hoping that this really will end (soon, I hope).
That's where I guess we are, OC. Every tm and cell call sends shock waves through my body and turns me into a psycho (at least on the inside). I think I'm having anger issues these days!
Originally Posted By: ourcrisis
I agree with HB, that the problem is who will outlast who?
Yah.. that's the big questions, isn't it? I am finding myself being pretty ambivalent at times. More now than ever. And.. yet.. maybe.. just maybe..????
HB - good to hear from you. Hope things are going well in your sitch. Here's the weird thing - H has never spent all that much time with ow. He's at home with his family so much that there hasn't been THAT much opportunity.. some, yes but not like in other's situations.
Part of it is that I think H are not 100% commmitted as we are. Even now, after moving the whole family away, once he still told me (in similar words as below), "I made the decision (to stay). Most times I think it's the right decision, sometimes I don't know. (PAUSE) Sometimes no". (that was made after one of our argument). Your H's action is saying that he wants to be with you more than with OW. But as with all A, the pull there is so strong, he is just not sure. I guess it's like us buying clothing or other stuff. We always wonder about the one that we did not pick. Hang in there.
M 38, H 38, two sons Met 20 years ago Married 13 years Bomb: Oct, 2006 DB: Started in Dec, 2006 H moved out for 3 weeks in Mar, 2007 H back home and piecing?
OC, I was reading up on your sitch and it sounds like we are in somewhat of the same place except that your H isn't having the slip-ups of going to meet the ow every so often. I guess my question is that I'm looking at my H as still having an affair because there is still contact - mostly via phone/tm and you are over in piecing. Should I be there, too? Are we in the early stages of "maybe piecing"?
We had and interesting conversation last night about selling our house and getting completely out of debt. The thought of selling our dream home upsets me so much but it would take a load of financial stress off of us. H suggested buying somewhat of a "fixer upper". Doesn't this imply long-term committment? He also said "I'd like to be able to go on a vacation". This is an interesting statement since I'm the one always talking about going on vacations and places I want to see.
I guess I see these little rays of hope; but, then he will do something completely "against" his family - ie, for ow.
My ic suggested we go to a Marriage Intensive. Maybe H will agree.. who knows.
LO, I don't know if I am piecing. From H's action and our conversation and the fact that he did pack up the family and moved back here to get away from OW so that I feel better, hopefully I am piecing.
Having said that, if I may be frank, you are not in piecing yet. Your H is still meeting OW and he has not committed to you and M yet. My H has. He has his doubts and he refused to just cut off OW contact completely (insisted to "let her down slowly"), but in other ways he is very nice to me, and spent effort in making me feel good. We are having problems discussing our issues because he is not ready (I suppose since OW is still in the picture), but we are having more deeper conversation. Your H, as far as I can tell, is moving slowly towards you. Watch his actions, not the stuff he said in argument. I have seen my H in that phase. Can't let OW go, yet don't want to let YOU go (has he mentioned anything like getting worried that YOU will leave?)
As for long term committment, I have learnt to not trust anything till it's done. When he actually starts booking the vacation three months out, then be glad.
Again, I see hope in your stich because it mirrors mine so much. So hang in there and GAL. GAL is really the best thing for me. Everytime I GAL and discuss about MY own future, H turns around some more.
M 38, H 38, two sons Met 20 years ago Married 13 years Bomb: Oct, 2006 DB: Started in Dec, 2006 H moved out for 3 weeks in Mar, 2007 H back home and piecing?
Have you ever talked to Saraabout her Retrouvaille experience? Maybe if you were thinking about going to a Marriage Intensive this could be something else to consider.
Just a thought
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
if I may be frank, you are not in piecing yet. Your H is still meeting OW and he has not committed to you and M yet. My H has. He has his doubts and he refused to just cut off OW contact completely (insisted to "let her down slowly"), but in other ways he is very nice to me, and spent effort in making me feel good.
Good point.. H has certainly not said that he is committed to me and in anger has said the complete opposite. The nice, thoughtful stuff of the past few weeks is most likely simply because of the "feeling of the moment".
Originally Posted By: ourcrisis
We are having problems discussing our issues because he is not ready (I suppose since OW is still in the picture), but we are having more deeper conversation. Your H, as far as I can tell, is moving slowly towards you. Watch his actions, not the stuff he said in argument. I have seen my H in that phase. Can't let OW go, yet don't want to let YOU go (has he mentioned anything like getting worried that YOU will leave?)
We have discussed our issues until we are blue in the face. H says that he sees that I am not willing to change so neither is he. A while back he said that he feels like in the end I won't be around anyway. It makes no sense that he just won't walk away from our M if he's that frickin' miserable.
LO, please email me at alwaysgetalife@hotmail.com if it's OK. Thanks. Private message is not working for me. ourcrisis
M 38, H 38, two sons Met 20 years ago Married 13 years Bomb: Oct, 2006 DB: Started in Dec, 2006 H moved out for 3 weeks in Mar, 2007 H back home and piecing?
