It's been awhile since I've checked in here and I wanted to see if someone could provide a little feedback on my situation: (thanks in advance!!! )
[*]Husband left in Jan. 2005 and stated that he needed space and was confused. [*]No legal separation ever filed during this time. [*]Found out that husband began a PA with a 21 yo girl when he was 29 (in Jan. 2007), but don't think it was PA until he left... EA at the min. before then for possible a few months. [*]H would contact me every so often during this time, all the while maintaining that he was confused and not sure about us staying together. I was pretty clingy during the first year of separation, so H usually took sweet time when responding to me. [*]I finally realized how clingy I was and really detached 12/06 after an upsetting conversation where H told me to move on and he couldn't do this anymore and "who wants to be with someone that is not divorced" (I assumed that our relationship was getting in the way...). At that point, I thought I would never hear from H again. I also found a MySpace page on the internet w/ H discussing that he was "in a relationship" and it was referring to OW (or other girl!). Tons of ooey, gooey talk back and forth between their pages... very high school sounding! [*]Feb. 2007, H turned 30 and I never contacted him. Also, the MySpace page referenced that OG was planning a party for H's 30th birthday! After two looks at those pages, I vowed to never go back and look again... and I didn't! [*]The first week of March of this year... after I had talked w/ Laurie (DB Coach Extraordinaire!), I decided to make 1 contact w/ H and texted him and said hello! [*]To my surprise, H responded immediately (which he had never done since our separation. He said hello back and wanted to know how I was doing. We spent the next 3-4 hours of that day texting back and forth, neutral things about job, family, etc. H was making jokes and such. H then asked if I wanted to see him and said I could come over to apartment. I told him I didn't know if that was such a good idea if he still had "girlfriend." He replied: "NO GIRLFRIEND!" I went to see him that night and we ended up having sex. [*]Fast forward to today: this has been the situation since the first of March and gradually we have become more and more close, but never ANY discussion of our R. It's almost like we are pretty good friends (gets better each week) and he is telling me more of his fears, worries, happy things, etc. I have made sure to never say anything that sounds anything close to R talk. We just laugh and often have sex. We have never gone on an actual "date" though and it has always been w/ me meeting him at his house. (I'm living w/ my parents at the moment to save some $). [*]It really seems that we are getting closer each time and he is more comfortable w/ me. He does make comments like: "where were you when you said you weren't home the other night" or "what friends did you go to dinner with?" Those seem to be the most probing questions he asks of me and he seems relieved when I say "some of my girlfriends." If I'm still vague in my response, he will usually ask me again. [*]The concerns I have are: He suffers from a long history of depression and life purpose, career have always been stumbling blocks for him. He usually makes statements that he "needs to do this alone" but then will ask me or tell me about something he is struggling with. What do you think about continuing to have sex even though we are not talking about R, but seem to be becoming closer friends? So far, I have rationalized it that it seems to be bringing us closer, lowering his walls and each week, we seem a little closer, he is making more and more eye contact and even showing concern about my safety (I have a sometime unsafe job) = these are all new since the separation. [*]To those that have gone through separation, does this seem par for the course (i.e. what I described above)? It almost seems like H is slowly trying us on for size and that b/c I am giving absolutely no pressure, he is becoming more comfortable. Am I imagining this? [*]Any suggestions on goals for my situation? I feel like this time has been working in that we seem to be closer each week (he contacts me (always!) at least 1x a week to see if I want to come over and then sometimes just to say hello. Do I need to change a little something to avoid staying in this same pattern or not? What do you think?
Any feedback is appreciated and I'm sorry this is so long! I really tried to keep it brief! Promise!
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