Welcome, Sandi. I think you're incredibly strong. We all do things that are out of character or seem wrong, but I honestly believe that we're all doing the best we can at any given moment given our resources and who we are at the time. It's what's kept me from walking away from my H with his deep EA.
Piecing is tough, I won't lie. Are you guys in MC? If not, any chance you could do so? You and your H both need someone to help facilitate these conversations. It's a tricky time after reconciling...and I credit our MC for being a neutral advocate.
Are you in IC? If not, go, if only to figure out the low desire thing. I've had the same problem...and for me at least, it's the courting and the intense feelings of the new and different and hopeful that I like. My H is like vanilla...I like vanilla, but sometimes something less predictable and safe is what I want. And also, for me at least, a huge part of my problems with wanting to be intimate with my H was because the R was bad...I didn't feel heard, didn't get any kind of positive touch except in pursuit of sex, felt like he made me the scapegoat for everything. Voicing my feelings and taking control of my own life and responsibility for speaking up has helped in the sex department a lot. It's not perfect...but there's progress.
Welcome, and good luck.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
