Plank removed from eye, too late for WAW 3

[Heimlich]

No, no. There was NO R talk. It's hard to describe here, but you ever get the sense that someone wants to talk but is holding back because they're afraid of what you're going to say? I just reread what I wrote and it does sound pushy, but, really -- and after the last few days I think I can tell the difference now -- it wasn't. It was more of a "I'm not in a bad mood, it's ok for us to just have a normal conversation" thing. And we did have a nice dinner with the girls after.

Just wanted to add that the conversation from my last post wasn't close to verbatim like some of my others relayed here have been. The post that you responded to OT is not a real reflection of what I said or how I approached it. Little emotionally fried, so not all that clear today.

And I was sitting in the kitchen drinking some water trying to recuperate from weights -- not hovering like a vulture waiting to pounce an any delightful R morsel that showed itself.

Does that make sense?

BD

[waw1978]

Hey H

Happy to hear that the mediation went relatively well. Esp about the furniture part. I fully recommend getting some retail therapy and buying yourself a flashy new TV! I have to admit its a status symbol among men. Mine is bigger thans your type of thing

Still assembling my IKEA finds ha ha ha.

[oldtimer]

H,

Just trust me on this.

-- you told her she was tense
-- you told her she was rude and unfriendly
-- you told her what you wanted
-- you talked about what you wanted in the R
-- you put her on the defensive
-- you insisted on attention

I don't care how chipper you sounded. You were pushing and invading her space. I know it doesn't seem like that to you. But, 6 months from now you will understand it. Unfortunately, the time to STOP is now, or 6 months ago, not 6 months from now.

[Heimlich]

OT,

In general, you're right. I'll just say that she was relieved by what I said because she told me. I know from my original post, you can draw those conclusions, but I didn't say it that way. It was basically, we can have normal conversations, you don't have to walk on eggshells around me. I'm OK. I'm finding it impossible to convey the feeling of how I said what I said, but it had the same feeling of bringing her out of a funk when things were good between us.

Throughout our R, when she's in a bad mood, I usually just let her ride it out. She'll get tense and snappy and then let it go. This was more of a "I don't know if I can say anything around you without you snapping." I felt like I had to let her know that a normal conversation was possible.

I understand that DBing is about backing off and giving the other person space and I wasn't doing a good job of that consistently. My W and I have been together for a long time, we know each other well. I was stupid in saying most of what I've said in the last 10 days towards her. This wasn't.

FYI, that's a pretty good thumbnail of how not to speak to my W, or anyone, really.

Are any of your threads still around? Did a quick look, but found a lot of your comments to other folks, but not your stuff. Would love to read them.

Thanks again,

BD

[oldtimer]

Changed my name...

I am merely a mysterious poster from the past...

Either that, or I am someone your W is paying to post to you.

(How's that for sparking paranoia, lol.)

[Gone Dancin']

Humor, OT? Didn't know you had it in ya!

Heim,

How ya doin', brotha? I want to tell you that I'm sorry I don't get over to you much post-wise, but do want you to know that I really value your ideas, advice, and most of all your sense of humor. You are probably my favorite poster in terms of reading enjoyment! You always make me laugh!

Thanks for staying current with me -- I really need to begin returning that favor. I haven't been as active of late because I've been in quite a funk with the looming D (final on Monday, I think), and don't know how much I'll be active in the future. Just want you to know that you are an awesome person and a great asset for the DBing world! Keep working hard, my friend!

GD

[Heimlich]

OT,

Man, I'm really coming off like an unappreciative d!ckhead towards you aren't I? I'm sorry. Your advice and insights are almost entirely spot on. I've been a little more emotionally ragged than normal in the last few days and we are corresponding on some touchy subjects. But (your favorite word, see, I'm listening ) I didn't break any rules last night. The W was appreciative of what I said.

Keep posting. I'm going to need all the help I can get in the next few months. Please!?!?!

GD,

Thanks, that brightened my day. No worries on chiming in. Welcome your advice whenever you get a chance. As I move into separation phase, I'll try to pick you brain for do's and don't's that you can identify in retrospect from your experience.

I'm still scared of needles.

BD

[oldtimer]

"Humor, OT? Didn't know you had it in ya!"

Don't. I leased it.

[oldtimer]

"Man, I'm really coming off like an unappreciative d!ckhead towards you aren't I? I'm sorry."

Nope, I didn't think that in the tiniest bit. Not at all.

Defensive, yeah. But who isn't?

Stuff will seep in. It will click in time. It all takes time, no shortcuts right now.

Currently working on a transporter device to beam straight to real-detachment-confident-happy-independent-mode. Will make me a multi-millionaire.

[Heimlich]

Thanks, OT. Nice, dry humor. Like it a lot.

It's exchanges like this that enable me to move on.

W just got home. Walk in the kitchen to get some water before heading out to run (getting this off my chest really quickly). I ran the dishwasher this a.m. because it was mostly full. Let the girls stay home today just because. They had a late lunch and the dishes are still in the sink in the kitchen (I have been mostly working today, not just doing this). Doesn't thank me for running the dishwasher, just asks me if I ran it and why I didn't put those dishes in the sink. Gee, never thought about it Wifey.

She's done this a lot over the years. Her biggest complaint is that I don't show initiative around the house. Yet it's snippy comments like this that really make me not want to. Won't miss this aspect of her personality.

OK, small minor example, but I believe I'm owed one now and again, right?

OT, you invent your machine, I'll buy one.

BD