I wish I had sage advice. What I'd probably do, and the "right" DBing thing might be two different things so I won't go there. About the best I can say is totally let go of the leash. Maybe even start living like your marriage is over (keep in mind... letting go doesn't mean the door is closed). My guess is your husband hasn't spent enough time on "the other side of the fence."
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
