I recently posted on the Corri's workshop thread, where it was suggested that I start my own thread here in the forum proper.
First let me say to one and all that I've been lurking on this board for quite some time, and have found the posters to be intelligent, insightful, thoughtful and straightforward. The abundance of ideas discussed provides a tremendous amount of food for thought, some of which I haven't digested yet.
I have an original thread from October of last year, about 2 months post-bomb. It's a long read, but I wasn't sure how much back story to include and so erred on the side of caution.
Well, time has past and things have changed, and they have not. There is still no physical intimacy (or physical ANYTHING for that matter) and we are largely where we were last November. I have identified many "Nice Guy" traits in myself and have been addressing those issues for about a month now. DIY - I still have not gotten the book, though I have regularly viewed the forums. I'm beginning to think that perhaps the book is essential (for me at least) because only so much can be gleaned from the forums over there. (Frankly, there seems to me to be quite a few posers on that board, whereas I get the opposite feeling here.) I have been taking care of me, doing the stuff I think needs doing, working on things that interest me, and not being so appeasing of her whims (been going this direction for two or three months now.) Egad! To read through my old thread was to really see how "nice" (read - emasculated) I had become! Ouch!
DIY - I am familiar with Choc's story and I can see similarities and some differences. If my wife is messing around it would have to be when she goes to Florida. Hard to confirm without more resources than I have on the ground there. I have installed a key logger and keep tabs on the cell calls, nothing throwing up any red flags at this point, but who knows? I have directly asked her about three months ago, and she was asked by our MC in our initial session two weeks ago. Both times she said no but, as NOP is wont to say "an infidel will most certainly lie".
At this point I am just doing what I do...Being dad, provider, etc.
We recently went out to a Blues show, did some dancing, had a couple of beers, and when we got home, I was relaxed, confident, and put the moves on her. Shutout. I didn't get upset, just asked her why. She said she didn't know what she felt or what she was going to do. Still not upset (thanks to this board, I maintained composure), I let her know that her indecision was hurting me. I tried not to put pressure on her for a resolution or a specific timetable, but I'm sure she feels pressured just the same. It was then that she stated if I felt I couldn't wait for her to decide, that she would understand if I needed to find an "outlet" outside the marriage! HUGE red flag for me! It is not (and she knows this) in me to willingly seek to violate my wedding vows, and says to me that she is trying to assuage her own guilt for either cheating or planning to cheat. I could be wrong, I don't really know.
We've begun counseling, but unless she is willing to be an active participant, I'm not sure it's not just a waste of money right now.
