Separated from WAW

[dlt1]

Oh yeah, I'll have a glimmer of hope until everything is final, just can't hold onto it. Today I've been thinking more about how much I love her. Trying to keep my mind of of that though. Have to let it and her go. If it and she comes back, great, but not counting on it.
Thanks,

[Jeanette1120]

Hey!

I've read your entire thread! Just wanted to let you know that aside from the snooping....(and didn't we all??) your doing great!!

Loved the stop complaining and doing something about it part!

GREAT! Apply the same to your sitch now Not being hard...but you see how you can apply it to both?

Muah

Jeanette

[dlt1]

Point taken. Thanks! I do need to stop complaining about it. It's difficult, things kee p popping in my mind. Guess they will continue until I do something.

[Jeanette1120]

As much as I really hate to tell this....they are going to keep popping up no matter what you do. Hell...I've been seperated for almost two years and newly divorced.....they still pop. I'm learning to smak them back down!

As long as your aware of it....then you'll be able to eventually pop em back down.

I'm sure uhm....others are noticing the changes too. They may not say it...but they notice

[Willing NJ H]

DLT, overall your doing great with the positive attitude. It's tough for all of us, keep it up. Don't know what to say about the ring, I think that's something we each have to do in our own way. Great news from work, you've earned it. Not much more to say right now, chat with ya later.


Jeanette - Thanks for checking in on us newbies. It's nice to get advice from experienced DBers.

[dlt1]

Thanks Jeanette and Will, I appreciate the new persepctive and continued support.
Update on my mental state
It really started sinking in last night (after one too many drinks natch) but more so this morning, that we will really be going through a D. I'm angry that she won't try. I'm also very disappointed in W. This is something I would not have expected to feel. She never gave me the chance to work with her. She has always given up when her R's hit the rocks. She is scared to put forth the effort required. She is scared to even think about having to put effoprt and work into an R. I thought she was smarter than that. I'm really questioning whether she is worth it. I love her, but why? Do I love the idea of W, not actually her?
On another tangent: I may have to spend a couple of nights back at the house right before Labor Day. Owner of the house I am at will be back in country and would like to sleep in his own room without having to cuddle with me! Found out we'll be getting another temp roomie for a couple months. She will fill teh last bedroom. (yeah, that's right, me and two lovely ladies all under one roof!) So, while I could hit the couch, or shack at another friend's I'm thinking why shold I have to be inconveienced more than I already am? She's the one that wants this D, and I lovingly moved out to give her space. We have a spare bed, she can deal with it however she chooses. I'm not certain on having to, depends on timing of new roomie I guess. Just found out last night she's coming, but not sure the exact date. Was going to mention the possibility to W this weekend, but think I'll wait and see what happens. Don't want her to think I'm planning/manipulating. I have another week~ish to figure it out.
And final note: I have not heard anything from W about what time to meet Sat to take care of preliminary D stuff. Not sweating it, just makes me wonder if she'll push to get it done, or take her sweet time. If I don;t hear from her, I'll call her Sat around 3 and head over to take care fo my biz. Have to get my comp and a few other items, as well as pay bills (last time?) and leave them for her to transfer into her name. I won't linger or talk about R if I'm over there on my terms. I'll tell her I have plans and can not stay very long. (not a lie since parents are coming).
So many things going through my mind, need to focus on work now.

[dlt1]

Jeanette, I hope others are noticing. Hard to imagine since we've had little contact. But think my upbeat attitude about meeting our F together didn't hurt.
I have had a few people comment on how well I am taking this. And how level headed and mature I'm approaching it. (Mature is not always the first thing my dearest friends think of when describing me). I must be something right, at least for me. That would be priority #1. Funny, when I wrote W a letter the day I moved out, I said my priorities going forward were mM and W. Seemed logical.

[Heimlich]

I'm angry that she won't try. I'm also very disappointed in W. This is something I would not have expected to feel. She never gave me the chance to work with her. She has always given up when her R's hit the rocks. She is scared to put forth the effort required. She is scared to even think about having to put effoprt and work into an R. I thought she was smarter than that. I'm really questioning whether she is worth it. I love her, but why? Do I love the idea of W, not actually her?

I'm feeling very similar, though I do know that I love her and not the idea of her -- though I have had that thought before.

Really, this is pretty early in the game. If you're committed to your W, filing D papers is another obstacle to overcome, it doens't necessarily mean the end. There are examples in the success threads of this happening. It was also calming for me to hear from our D mediator that some of his clients have reconciled after filing for D. It happens. If you give up now, the D will definately happen. Make sure that's what you want before throwing in the towel completely.

BD

[dlt1]

Thanks BD,
I'm not done. I have been contemplating it. It would be so easy. At first. It's hard for me to get past her determination. But I will. I think it will be just as easy to be old happy me. I think I am afraid that means the end. I am slowly shifting that perspective. I'v eread it all here, I see that this is the right approach, and probably the only chance. I'm just storing that glimmer of hope away. Trying to be sure that is not my motivation. Need to do things for me. That's why I plan on taking a few important items thsi weekend, but only b/c I deserve to eb comfortable during this time. Not looking to ransack the place. And I believe she will take time to move forward, as long as I steer clear of any R talk. No pressure. No pressure. No pressure.
She is meeting a life long goal next Wed and is very excited. And I am completely thirlled for her as well. Last Sunday I asked her to call me and tell me all about it. I said, "I am so incedibly happy for you. You've gotta tell me about it. Thsi is so awesome!" I think she will b/c it;s about her, and my interest is genuine. When I next see her, I will remind her to let me know, as long as we're having a pleasant exchange. You should see her smile just thinking about it!
Ok, now I'm in a great mood. and it's Friday! Yes!

[dlt1]

A fun filled Friday night by myself. Could have hung with BF his W and baby. Not really feeling like it though. Was hoping to get out a bit. Realized I have 2 single friends. One is a cop and he works crazy shifts. Though he is making it to my cookout Sunday, so very happy about that. The other is the girl I was worried about my feelings for. I got that in check, was just feeling good about the attention. She really is a great person to hang out with, and a good way to meet others. Anyway, her bro is in town, so having a family night.
That leaves me here. Don;t feel like calling my out of town friends. Not up for all the talk I guess. Just read over CHRISG's success story. First one I've read that I felt a connection to.
Well, my mom spoke with MIL again. MIL said she talked to W, but ended with W hanging up on her. Great! Just what I need! W keptsaying I'm 30 yrs old, I can make my own decisons. MIL pressed that she is older and wiser, blah blah. Pushed W to take more time.
Mil told my mom about W's horse and how close she was, and how extremely depressed she was when he died. W had mentioned meon Sun that when she tells people sbout having a horse and it died, hey typically say, "That must have been a hard time." They never ask more, including me, and no one understands how much it hurt and still hurts 10 yrs later. I wish Ihad asked, but really had no inkling from her that it was such a big issue. I think she carries it with her, just one more part of the explanation of her behavior. I want to brig it up, but can't think of any good away to do it that she doesn't suspect. Her 'office' at home is the horse room though. She has all her ribbons, medals, pix, etc and wants to decorate it all nice with that stuff. It just all sits in boxes though. I may ask or mention soomething about when she thinks she'll get to that. Not sure, it would have to be the perfect time and all that. I have time though, does not have to be tomorrow. I just feel so bad for her more than ever. MIL thinks W has not been sleeping very well. I want her to be OK. She has a ways to go with C. So worried for her.
W has not called about a time for tomorrow! Guessing she'll call near noon or so. Deciding if I should take me desk. Could use it here so as to not infringe on roomie's comp area. But, not necessary by any means. Would this get me closer or farther from my goal? Hmmmmmm...could show her I'm prepared to move on. Could show her she was right and that I can walk away and never look back. BAd sounds worse than good here. Think the desk will stay for now.
Going to see what's on the tube. (my luck all Lifetime movies) Kleenex anyone?