My XH was picked up for DUI and spent a night in jail. It ended up being the day we split up. His behaviour had been crazy and nasty for the 2 prior months but I did not know about his affair or understand MLC - I just knew that something was going to happen. My dad and I both agreed - this was his rock bottom. But guess what? It didn't turn out that way. He convinced himself it was "no big deal", and that he had just made a stupid mistake. Of course OW was there every step of the way, letting him know that because I had left him in Jail overnight (cops had told me NOT to pick him up - he was way too angry) that I was not really there for him and she swooped in to soothe him and assure him that he she would always be there for him. Well, good luck - she can have him!
As for the "we're just friends" - that's what they all say. Until he has cut off all communication with her completely (and her other family members), why would you consider reconciliation? There is really no place in a marriage for a 3rd party. He needs to know that. Sounds like he needs some growing up to do and also some counselling and/or rehab.
Sorry this may sound blunt, but the truth is - this man has not dealt with his issues and until he does - he is not the man you'd want back in your house.
