Cemar - If I had been reading this BB 15 years ago I might have thought you were my H or maybe better phrased that I was your W. I had no Desire, non, nadda, zilch, zero, get away from me was sometimes how I thought. (It makes me cry to type this) Because of that, I have this desire (pun intended) to help you and yet I don't think anything I say actually will because some of it I can't explain or can't say any better than those that have tried before me. I thought I was a GREAT wife. I kept the house clean, laundry done, meals, kids were well behaved & I took them to all their activities, did homework, paid the bills, and I had IC when H initiated, but it wasn't with enthusiasm. It was another chore on my list. And yes I thought about sex, but my thoughts were... If I fall asleep, I will get out of it, if it's that time of the month, if I say I am to tired (which I probably was) I did try to stay away from the classic headache I thought that would make it less obvious. And sex was good (not great) once I had made up my mind to let it happen and that was probably once a month. (poor Hubby) So somewher in this history, BIL is dating a girl who is very outgoing, talkataive etc. One night at a party she says "I can't imagine anyone being married and not wanting sex. Why would you be with someone who doesn't want sex? on and on and on" I didn't respond to her as I never talked to anyone about sex, probably a FOO issue, here comes Cobra! Anyway her comments really guilted me, but I was still very unsure of my skills. My confidence was zilch, I had no clue really "What the fuss was about" It was something I did for him, thought that was loving. So, suddenly I am now aware there must be more to it, BUT HOW do I change? I really had to dig deep, I had to feel secure that my H wouldn't not laugh at my attempts or inadequicies or experiments while I tried to figure things out. I was so UNCOMFORTABLE but had to keep telling myself that there was something here I was missing. It took a LONG time! Actually, it is still a work in progress, probably always will be. Sometimes, I still feel embarrassed at my own sexuality, can't believe I did what I did, but the thoughts no longer last long or interfere because I know now that I have the freedom because I feel safe and secure with H. So are any of my ramblings useful?
Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle. (Amy Bloom)
