Thanks all for your support and advice. I've been reading your posts and feel such heartbreak and admiration for your strength. Your stories comfort and inspire and help me appreciate what I have.

July was a very productive month. H did most of the talking: unhappy for a few years, tried to motivate me, make me happy but nothing ever worked, no fun together anymore, no common interests. H feels that he's missing out on life and I'm to blame, wants to party, wants the sports car, overwhelmed with feelings and confusion. I mostly listened, told him I didn't know, told him that I'm sorry.

My GALs/180s: no more sleeping in, no more couch potato and constant TV, yoga, reconnecting with friends on the phone, out w/friends a few times, activities (some faked) taking me out of the house all day on the weekends, after-work cocktails with H and how-was-your-day chatter, showing more affection, upped my sex drive (still confused about that).

During this, he "behaved" by not going out all the time but when at home, he was mostly checked out, distant, on the PC all the time. Not interested in joining me. Constant mood changes. Had noticed my 180 (yes, that's the word he used!) and had mixed feelings/anger: behaved/planned under assumption that I would never change, why didn't I do this before. Told him that I noticed sometimes my ILYs went unreturned and seemed to hurt him. H said that was true, he's up/down emotionally. Told him that I would stop then bc the rejection hurts me. H said he was sorry, does love me, has no boundaries, wants me to speak up. Although he said to do so, when I do speak up or say ILY, he appears pained by it so I've tried to stop.

So yesterday he came home and we spent the night watching TV together as if nothing had happened the night before. It felt a bit awkward and distant but at bedtime, he did come to bed with me and he held my hand.

He woke me this morning to say happy anniversary (it's our 5th today) and kissed me on the cheek. As planned, we're going downtown tomorrow for an overnight to "celebrate." I'm nervous and will work very hard to make it a happy date night.

Monday is our first official MC. We had gone to someone last week through my employee program but it was just an assessment and referral. MC thought we had a strong foundation to rebuild our M.

Thanks to this board and all of you, I'm much calmer now and getting my mind back on track to DBing.