Are we piecing yet?

[Have Faith]

Oh, Husband I do hope you are feeling better. That too much time on your hands can really get the old negatives rolling around in your head. Keep busy.

By the way, I have read that women who watch a lot of soaps have unreal expectations about what a real relationship is suppose to look like. Maybe your W should turn off the TV and start looking at what she has instead of these phony TV relationship.

Wishing you the best oh and congratulations on your pregancy.

Faith

[LL44]

Wow, a lot of positive things!!! What a nice day.

In my opinion, don't read too much into the 'no matter what happens to us". I am the betrayed spouse, and I have said that to H about us always being connected and friends, no matter what happens. I think our H's need that reassurance.

[Have Faith]

Just journaling and have a question.

Yesterday was really a steller day. After receiving a bouquet of beautiful flowers (for 18th anniversary of 1st date), getting a vm that said ILY and then being taking out to dinner and drinks after my golf league, he actually kissed me twice. I mean really kissed me. Not a peck, but a nice sensual kiss. Two of them. He has not kissed me that way since last October.

This scares me. He is moving out. He took some clothes last night to his friends house. Not many. In fact, I couldn't even tell that he took any, except some underwear. He spent the night with me and this morning I reminded him of some toiletry items that he needed to take with him, since he was going to be at the friends house tonight. He said he didn't need them since he would be stopping by on Friday. He had earlier asked me if it would be ok for him to come by on Friday evening if I didn't have anything planned. I told him that I would be golfing in the afternoon, but should be home around 7:30.

I know that he hasn't given up the OW, and I really don't understand what is going on now. He even asked me to meet him today in the park for lunch. He told me that I had 90% of him. I told him I really didn't understand what he had to think about. How do you give up 90% for the 10% with OW.

While I love all of this, it scares me. I'm getting my hopes up so high. I don't want to have my heart shattered again.

We have been going out to dinner every Saturday and he has said nothing to me about that. He has mentioned both Friday evening and all day on Sunday. Do I make myself available for dinner on Saturday and wait to see if he is going to ask or do I find something else to do and not be available.

What is your opinion????

Faith

[Have Faith]

Journaling

Yesterday was a good day, but it was also sad. Met the H in the park for lunch. He was on his cell for about 10 min talking to another realtor. While on the phone he was tickeling the back of my neck (which he knows that I love). Once he finally got off the phone, we just chated about everyday business things that we need to do. New tires for the car etc. When I left to go back to my office he said "see you tonight, oh, I won't get to see you tonight." I said "well you can see me if you workout at my gym." He then said with a smile, "if I work out at your gym then I get to come to the house?" I said "no, you get to see me. Bye."

So I was hoping to see him at the gym, but didn't. It was lonely without him home, but I know I'm doing the right thing. Looks like he sent me an e-mail at 9:42pm. He said "It is Thursday evening and I already miss you! Thanks for all that you have done for me. You give and have given me a lot!"

I'm working this morning and then golfing with friends this afternoon. H is coming over after his workout this evening. I told him I wouldn't be home until around 7:30. I think he plans on staying the night since he is meeting someone at our home at 10:00 am on Saturday.

I still don't know what to do about Saturday night. We usually go out to dinner. This has always been our night together and he hasn't said anything about it. He has talked about tonight and Sunday, but nothing about Saturday. Don't know if I should plan something or be available.

Faith

[Have Faith]

I just got another e-mail from my H saying that he didn't sleep well (at his friends) last night. That the bed was cold and loney. That he missed sleeping next to me.

Do you think I should move to the Piecing Forum. He still has the OW, but we appear to be moving ahead. I don't want to jink my progress by moving, but I dont' want to make others depressed who are not as far along as I seem to be.

Your opinion please. Am I piecing?

Faith

[Concerned_Listener]

Faith,
I moved to the Piecing forum last month, when things started looking more hopeful, even though there had not been any R talks at that time. I needed a forum that more reflected where my R was. I too felt that my situation had become incongruent with the crisis themes of the situations on the Infidelity forum, but am grateful for the wonderful support I received while there.

The benefit of being in the Piecing forum is to receive the advice of those who have been Piecing their marriages together for some time. I see the task of the LBS during infidelity as increasing personal power and reclaiming one's life. The task in Piecing is to continue GAL, but move into connection and intimacy.

CL

[Have Faith]

Thanks CL

I think you hit the nail on the head when you said "I too felt that my situation has become incongruent with the crisis themes of the situations on the Infidelity forum." At least for right now I'm no longer in the crisis mode. So perhaps piecing would be a better fit.

My heart just aches for those that are in the crisis mode, as I can feel their every pain and I feel like right now I'm rubbing salt into the wound.

It looks like your H is still involved with the OW. Is that correct?

Thanks for your input

Faith

[ediemarie]

Hi Faith -
Have you heard about Saturday night yet? Tough call on that one. I would have a plan to do something on my own and if he asks, go with him. If he doesn't, follow through with your original plan.

I hear you about switching to Piecing. I've been having that same thought recently. I don't have the crisis that many here have, but at the same time I feel like I could have it at any moment....I will stay until my thread locks.

It sounds like your H is saying the right things and his actions are partially following suite, but yet he wants to sleep elsewhere...hmmm...I don't get it. I think this part of your situation is difficult because there are so many good signs that the bad signs are glaring. I would just keep doing what you are doing. It appears to be working and he seems to be genuine.

What is going on with him and the OW?

Em

[LL44]

I agree. Don't say a word about Saturday night, but in your head make plans with yourself and follow through if that happens.

Sounding good!!!

[Have Faith]

EM and Lwb Thank you for your input. People who don't understand divorse busting just think we are stupid and pitiful people. I'm so glad I have this forum.

H doesn't want to sleep somewhere else, but I had told him that I need to start detaching from him as we are getting too close. I am the one who told him to move out.

As for the OW, I'm not sure what is going on. I have not been snooping much. He calls her on his secret cell for a very short period of time on the week-ends (1 to 2 minutes). If he calls on that phone during the week it has only been once a week. He can call her from his work phone, so I don't know how much they talk. I believe that he e-mails her everyday. I don't know for sure. He does go to the gym where she worksout. He could go to mine, but hasn't. In the past he would go to my gym for a week and then it was back to her gym. I think these were the times he was trying to break it off with her, but couldn't.

Last night he came over and I made dinner. He spent the night. He was cuddly, but no sex yet.

This morning when he left for his Saturday job, he told me that he would be busy all day, but would call me later. Did not mention our usually dinner date. He did say that he would be going to church with me on Sunday. He hasn't done that for a couple of years. This is GOOD. I asked God to prepare a special message for him tomorrow (he, he!). He also said ILY when he left. That is the second ILY this week. If I hit three in one week, then I'm buying a lottery ticket.

I have an other option for tonight if he doesn't mention dinner and I think I will do that if we don't go out. That way if he calls me or comes by, I won't be here.

I think that right now he is about 90% back, but just can't let go of that 10%. If he sleeps over at friends house during the week, and then at home on the week-ends, he feels like he can still have the 10% going on. I think that it will only take him worrying about me going out to actually get him back home and 100% committed.

Everyone have a good week-end and thanks for your input.

Faith