The problem that I can see happening with me is that she chose to be with OM. If he has instigated the deteriation of the R, then it still means that W had stronger feelings for him than me.
Maybe, just maybe, OM caused the deterioration of the R because he could feel it was only a matter of time before he would be the one being 'finished'. Maybe he jumped before he was pushed.
Don't assume you are second best in your W's eyes to OM.
I am sure that when my H made the decision to stay with me he felt that he loved OW more than me and he stayed with me for several reasons, love being only one of them. BUT since then a fog has cleared for him and he now recognises that he did not LOVE OW but he was INFATUATED by her and he also liked the drama and the excitement.
You must not let yourself think that you don't want to be with W because you are second best. This is a transitory state. You can outshine OM in your W's eyes - if you want to you know you can.
I agree so much with Cadesmom about letting yourself forgive and trust; about making a positive decision to do those things. They are hard things to do though and when pride is involved in the equation it makes them even harder. I am quite a proud person and have issues with forgiveness and trust - it's just that if I don't try to master these feelings the downside of the fallout is unthinkable.
If your W is coming back to you give it your best shot Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
