Nomopo's Thread - Is something happening to me?

[Willing NJ H]

I feel the exact same as Nomo and Superdad.

I think it is detachment, but I think it is also a stage of our emotions. In the beginning, we were and emotional mess. We found DBing, and started learning the methods. DBing gave us hope, and we were willing to pour our hearts into the process. The changes come and go, but we have a hard time seeing them. When we explain things, other DBers show us the positives, and places we can improve. I think we are now at different stages of hopelessness. We want DBing to work, but aren't sure that it will work for us. We want to be with our S again, but are mad at/upset with/resenting them right now, as things seem to be going no-where fast. We are getting bothered by the things our spouses do, and upset with their lack of actions when it comes to our M's. The thoughts of our children are entering our mind, and the reality of our future with them (and their future in general) is throwing our emotions into a whirlwind. We want our M's to work, we want our children to have a solid family, we want to see our kids every day when they wake and go to sleep, and we want to enjoy a comfortable loving life where we don't have to hurt or worry anymore. I think it's a part of the process, and something that we have to learn to deal with. I'm sure that this is a point when many people give up, but it's not the time for me. I've been dealing with some issues with my W for a long time. R issues have been crazy since DEC. 06, and everyone knows when the bomb was dropped, etc. I think that, as always with DBing, we are the only one's that can decide what's right for us. We need to make our deciions with a clear and sound mind however, and not make them when we are emotional/distraught.

NOMO, you've been at this harder than any of us. I read one of your posts a few weeks ago stating that you needed a break and were burnt out. I wonder if you do need a bit of a break (at home and on DBing), and that maybe your efforts are one of the things that are getting to you. You give wonderful advice, and are always there for all of us, but are you taking good enough care of you?

You are certainly entitled to bad days (weeks, etc.), and only you know whats best. My only concern is that your journals seem "stale" (for lack of a better term), but not negative. I'm sick of my W, and often get upset about her having my D and even marrying me, etc., when she questioned our R. I have to remind myself that I really do want this, and will keep fighting until it's past the point of no return. You once told me that you believed your point of no return was when the Big D became final, I actually agree (for me). I don't know if you really are feeling similar to me or not, but your explainations sound the same as my feelings. Maybe i'm dealing with it differently because I have much less time dealing with these issues, and my fresh mindset is allowing me to continue to push; who knows? I think my biggest reason for doing well when I want to throw in the towel is you guys. I honestly believe, most of the time, that I am only fighting because of my D and what would happen to her. It would be easier at this point to let go of my W and move on, but it's not what I truly want. I'm sick of feeling beaten down, i'm sick of the hurt, confusion, and questions, i'm sick of her in general right now. I am going to fight until I can't force myself to fight anymore, and I know now is not that time. I don't think it's your time either (judging by your posts), but I do think your going through a tough time (which your more than entitled to) and will start feeling more neutral/optimistic in time. I may be very off right now, but we all need a shove sometimes. Keep your head up bro, I think you have more fight in you.