My wife has been living with a friend of hers since we separated, in a small 2 bedroom apartment. Her friend is going to start having her 2 kids live with her and so my wife has to find somewhere else to live. She has an application in with the state for subsidized housing, but there is a 2 month waiting list. She has another friend with a room for her, but that friend already has 4 people living there and I would make it hard for her to have our son stay with her during her days of visitation. She hinted around to me if I had looked into getting a place of my own yet (I am staying at my mothers until I sucure a location for my business). I told her I was not looking for a place yet, not until I know where I am opening my store at because I want to have a house close to the business. She said when do you think that will be? I said I have no idea probably a couple of months at least, she said oh really that long.
A part of me thinks she wants to move back in together, but I can not say for sure. I know she was not happy with her currently living situation and now it seems to be getting worse.
I do not mind us moving in together, but I do not want us to return to the old ways of me doing everything and taking care of all her needs. Is there a way to move back in together and set some guidelines or a POJA to keep this from happening.
Should I approach her about moving back in together or allow her to do it? I think us being under one roof again could make it easier to work on things together. But, I also know it could be destructive and put us back to where we were.
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
Is it possible to have a divorce that quickly after separation. You may want to try to reconcile. Sticking together for financial reasons, children, home issues is still sticking together and many couples have found that they are able to stick it out and sail into a happier marriage. Of course there needs to be communication and boundaries. Do not get your hopes up. My H would rather be homeless than hurt his pride by coming into my 3 bedroom home where his kids sleep. I actually saw him on a library bench the other day. You don't have to take care of her if you think she is using you. However, she may seee you 180s and GAL attitude if you are under one roof.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Our divorce and separation went hand in hand. Me wife did not feel safe that I would not try to take away our son from her and never let her see him. So I filed for the D to make here see that I was in no way wanting her not to be a part of his life.
My biggest concern with moving back in together is the boundaries and trying to implement some rules or goals if you will, that we can both meet and agree upon.
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
I guess you have to ask yourself, what do YOU want to do? Your situation kind of confuses me - your wife left, but YOU filed for divorce? So do you want to be divorced?
Sounds to me like your reactions are a little knee-jerk given you're only in this 6 weeks. I was the same way for about 4 weeks, I'd say. Well, I never wanted to be divorced, but I was upset.
get some counseling, take your wife with you if she'll go, and the two of you decide what you really want. If you want to work things out, let her come home but be prepared. Don't fall into your old ways, and if she does, talk things out. Listen to her, understand her, and be empathetic. At the same time, don't be a wuss. Expect her to understand you, but be cool about it - no fighting, no arguing, no accusing, no blaming. Then get to a place where the past isn't the story you keep telling over and over but a learning situation that you're using to make the future better. If you can look forward instead of backwards, and get to a positive place instead of the negative one you're both in right now, you can make it.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
I filed the divorce to give my with peace of mind about our son. She was afraid that if we got separated that I would keep her from seeing him. I work from home, I am the primary caregiver and bread winner. SO, she was scared and convinced that if we separated she would never see him. As much as I told her and tried to prove to her that I would never keep him from seeing her and that I know how important she is to his life, she just did not believe me. So, I filed for the D and gave her all of her free time, when she is not working, for her visitation time with him. As soon as we signed the papers she started to believe or at least she knew I could not keep him from her, because the courts would not allow it.
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
gotta say, that's a pretty strange way to go about it. Why not just set up temporary orders while you figure out what you want to do, or is that what you did? In some of your other posts it sounds like you're already divorced.
Where are you in Utah?
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
gotta say, that's a pretty strange way to go about it. Why not just set up temporary orders while you figure out what you want to do, or is that what you did? In some of your other posts it sounds like you're already divorced.
Doesn't really matter it is already done, no need to look back on it with any regret or second guessing. Moving forward in pursuit of my goals.
Originally Posted By: JR2007
Where are you in Utah?
I am in Syracuse.
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
Doesn't really matter it is already done, no need to look back on it with any regret or second guessing. Moving forward in pursuit of my goals.
So, you're already divorced? It's final? that's pretty fast, or have you just not updated your signature? 6 weeks seems pretty fast to get it all done???
Quote:
I am in Syracuse.
Cool, nice area.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
If your gut tells you this is an opportunity to try, then go for it. Tell her straight up you expect chores and certain things to be maintained. Create boundries but don't be to stifling or controlling. If you can handle it go for it!
Married:10 years D final 8/28/08 10 minutes is all it took Life goes on and DB was no small part in growing from the Divorce!
So, you're already divorced? It's final? that's pretty fast, or have you just not updated your signature? 6 weeks seems pretty fast to get it all done???
It was not contested. Filled out the papers online on a Monday night, went to the notary public with her on Tuesday morning, took the mandatory classes on Saturday and filed all the papers with the court the following Monday. Court said they would be mailed out to us after the judge signed them.
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
