There and Back, #2

[SallyM]

thanks, lwb. interesting about the dreams...wonder if its common for people in our situation?

the bit about having my dad over to help with the tree isn't possible. trust me, I'll talk philosophy, history, literature, baseball, any variety of subjects with the man, but no way will I put myself thru the torture that would be having him help with the tree. lol. but yeah, I guess I can ask a friend/friend's husband to help out. and who knows what life will bring that far off. just can't seem to help myself thinking of those things

another thing is, our 10 year anniversary is in october. I've been thinking about it since april. can't help it. I need to have some idea what I need from the day. obviously it won't be the day I had originally hoped for...really don't see that happening. but even if we are headed for divorce, I know me well enough, I know I will place importance on that day and need to come to terms with what I want from it. I may do something special with the kids (they will always be the good that came from the marriage), or I may do a girls weekend. what I do know, at least today, is that if we are in the same place we are right now (or worse), I do NOT want to hear from H that day. I don't want to hear his voice. I don't want to see an e-mail from him. I need to let him know, when the day gets closer, that he needs to respect that. or maybe I just won't answer the phone, will have the kid answer if he calls to talk to them that day, but won't get on myself at all. we'll see. plenty of time to think about this stuff.

I'm so sorry about your h and the ow. that is heartbreaking.

[LL44]

LOL, ok not a job for your dad. A friend then. Then watch H's face when he walks into the house, all warm and decorated without him. Talk about GAL!

I wouldn't tell H to not contact you on that day, just be 'dark' on that day (of course, not about the kids) and do NOT bring it up at all, before or after. He will know the date too.

[SallyM]

yeah, I think just going dark w/o talking about it ahead of time is the way to go.

and trust me, I turn into martha-f-ing-stewart in the fall, and around the holidays. my house is cozy/warm/nicely decorated, the whole nine yards. I love to cook/bake when the weather gets cool. and I will continue all of that, even without him in my life. and I hope some part of him twinges a bit when he comes by for the kids.

I do know he can't resist my cookies....jerk ate half a batch (yes, half an entire batch) when he was here the other day. didn't even leave one behind. next time I'm hiding them. or maybe I won't....I'll bet ow doesn't make cookies like mine. lol. see, dear, if you leave me, you won't get my cookies anymore

(why is that starting to sound dirty? just me? oh well).

[LL44]

No more cookies of any type for H from you...hehe!!! And tell H he can get his cookies elsewhere, and they'll be cheap and storebought, like OW. lol

The other day, H made his delicious homemade chicken salad and I couldn't help myself, I ate the whole batch!!! LOL He is the cook not me, but I am a darn good decorator as well once the weather turns cold. I do bake though, just not cook.

[mkultra]

Hey Morgan, two years ago I planned a Disney Cruise for our tenth anniversary. Well, that day came and went like sand through an hourglass. We were together but he was also with his OW which has tainted every ray of light this year. I cannot have happy holiday memories from 2007 because of this deceit. I acted like it was any other day and I know he felt loss and sadness. I noticed he almost cried that morning. He has always, always snuck roses into the home in the middle of the night for every special day. I actually came down the stairs like a babe on Xmas morning looking for presents. How lame. Nada. I was going to order him the IPhone as it was released on our anniversary. We are huge MAC fans and I thought this would be great. No. For the kids, they still love the happily married after story. They love to hear about the day we were married and the day they were born stories. I showed them the vineyard where we exchanged vows ten years ago while on a picnic with his parents. It would have been the spot where our ashes were to be spread. I feel like scrapping that posthumous idea, but my best friend said to go on with it as it was still the happiest day of my life. We were married on a mountain top vineyard overlooking the entire Napa Valley. I don't know if I want to spend eternity alone even if the view is pretty awesome!

[Trixi]

Morgan-
If you figure out how to not care and can bottle it, I'll buy a 5 gallon bucket from ya!

I so feel your pain.
(((morgan)))

I don't have anything constructive to add. My mom spent a good portion of a conversation this evening trying to talk me into moving on. That she would "feel better" if he would just tell me he was done so that I could move on. OR if I would just decide that I am finished and move on. Because she "doesn't want to see me hurt". I told her i am not ready to give up and she said "Well Dr Phil always asks "why are you waiting around to see what this other person is going to do with *your* life?""
*sigh*

I do know it would be easier if I could just move on. Shouldn't we feel admirable for hanging on like pitbulls to our marriages?

[Dom R]

Shouldn't we feel admirable for hanging on like pitbulls to our marriages?

Yes!

No one said that "doing the right thing", and "being a hero", doesnt hurt, though

[SallyM]

thanks, all. we should feel admirable...but boy, did we get the short end of the stick. at least thats how it feels sometimes.

mk, your post made me so sad. it was beautiful and heartbreaking all at once. just remember, don't let him dictate your life, okay? you decide. don't let him take napa from you. but hopefully not something you have to even think of for a very long time. I do get it, though. we got married in october in new england. I've lived many places, but have never seen autumn like it is here...truly amazing. I associate a lot of things about the season with H, but I'm not going to let him take it away from me. I'm going to have to carve out some new memories, sans him, for myself and for my kids.

now for today. I've been busy all day. got some useful things done, but also played a little. now I'm cleaning my ovens. well, okay, so not much to do there...hit the button, open the windows/turn on the fan on the hood, and well, wait. lol. kind of like laundry...I'm being useful, but not really doing anything.

good news. I had to run to the mall to exchange a pair of jeans I had ordered online. I needed the smaller size...woo-hooo! I'm happy, they're a 6. honestly, with my booty, I don't expect to see a lower number. just already noticing the ab tape paying off. yay for me. so I'm alone, at least I'll look good, right?

I'm kind of bitter right now, actually. the windows in my office are open and we have the most delicious breeze coming in. its wonderful...cool, not cold, just nice. I'm weird, I get so fired up for weather...storms, nice breezes, whatever. I just love them. and wish I had someone to share them with. grumble, grumble, whine, whine. mmmm...fantasy...sitting on the porch...nice breeze...strong arms around me...sigh.

okay, snapping out of it. must scrub floors.

[mkultra]

Awe Morgan, your posts make me so happy! I think we are both happy gals, I guess! I loved the image you made of New England in the fall. I also am in love with Autumn. It is my favorite time of year and I think we should drink it in with all our gusto! Let's get ready for school, sniff 3 hole punch paper and pink erasers, make a pile of leaves for the kids to jump into, buy apple pie at Costco, and decorate for Halloween. Let's show them how to have some fun. Screw the rest of 'em.

I have finally met my goal of getting into the realm of single digit sized jeans! Coworkers ask what is my secret? I say depression and anxiety over a spouse in MLC. No! I say Nutrisystem! LOL.

[Trixi]

mkultra- is it really Nutrisystem?

thanks, all. we should feel admirable...but boy, did we get the short end of the stick. at least thats how it feels sometimes.

tru dat.

Fall here in Washington can be beautiful, too. I always loved fall because it meant I got to go back to school, with new school supplies and some new clothes. Summer never really did all that much for me; I love having warm days and crisp mornings.
*contented sigh*